


Arcadia Lust

by tur1823



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 21:50:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15349491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tur1823/pseuds/tur1823
Summary: Max Caulfield is all alone at Blackwell Academy. Her severe social anxiety keeps her in a state of constant fear while everyone else thrives and lives for the moment. But one night, everything changes. A Pricefield story, but not as you might know it. Total AU. Originally posted March 30th 2017.





	1. Escape From Blackwell

** Author’s note:  **

**\- No rewind/time travel**

**\- No storm**

**\- No dark room**

**\- Max was born and raised in Seattle, not Arcadia Bay**

* * *

_Friday October 11 th 2013_

_Going to Blackwell was supposed to be a new beginning for me. Mom and Dad said that as much as I thought it. Of course, there was only one problem: I left Seattle behind but I didn’t leave Max Caulfield behind. I have been here a month and I have been branded as the shy, awkward weakling who takes photos and doesn’t talk to anyone. Moving to another state doesn’t cause your personality to do a one-eighty._

_At least in Seattle I could lean on Mom or Dad when things got bad. Now I have no one. This is what it’s like to be alone and lonely at once. I had my chance to make a good first impression here but I failed. The worst part is I have been alone for so long that it’s my default setting now. So now I find excuses to not leave my room. I hate being alone like this but it’s what I am used to. It’s basically an addiction._

_Victoria’s habit of writing insulting shit on my room slate has become part of her morning routine now. And erasing whatever she writes is a part of mine. She wrote ‘retarded mute inside’ today. It normally doesn’t get to me but today was different. I just hope she didn’t hear me cry._

_As much as I hate Victoria and her vortex club rats, I always find myself checking out Taylor. OMG she has amazing legs she always shows them off in her little jean shorts! That’s fucked isn’t it? The closet lesbo checking out one of the girls who picks on her. Well perfect legs or not, she is still a cunt._

_Since Blackwell is an arts school I thought about making my big ‘coming out’ debut here but since I don’t talk to anyone it wouldn’t make a difference. A part of me wanted to tell Mom and Dad before I left but I held back. I had this ridiculous fantasy that I would meet my first girlfriend here and everything would change. I imagined we would be madly in love and always be sneaking into each other’s dorm rooms. But instead I write about how fucking miserable I am in this fucking journal and watch lesbian porn. I hear that the real thing is nothing like porn so I shouldn’t make a habit of watching it._

_I really have to pee right now but I can’t leave my room because the hallways are so busy. There is some vortex club party tonight so all the girls are going from room to room borrowing cloths or makeup or whatever people do before parties. They should be gone within the hour. I really need to work out some kind of system for situations like this._

_This is what my life has become._

_I’m sorry Mom and Dad. I can’t imagine what you will think of me when I tell you nothing has changed. They bought me a new car for nothing._

_I hate living like this. I am a coward._

_I’m so lonely._

* * *

 After closing my journal, I put it back in my desk and retrieve my game boy advance. _I can’t believe I paid so much for pokemon fire red but it was worth it. Maybe my imaginary girlfriend would have leaf green and we could trade and battle on our date nights._ I sigh at my stupid thought and block out all the chatter from outside my room. _Time to focus on ‘catching em all’. Or rather as many as possible without trading._

After a while, the noise from outside has stopped. I press my ear against the door. Silence. Good. _All clear._ I leave my room and make for the bathroom.

As expected, the whole dorm is a ghost town which works for me. I enter a stall and savour the much needed relief. On the way back I notice some slander on Kate Marsh’s room slate. Written in red and in Victoria’s hand writing is ‘I love Gods Rod’. Kate is a sweet girl. I don’t see her talking to many people. I should have made an effort and talked to her when I first got here. _Or maybe not. She would scream and throw holy water at me once she knew I was gay._

I erase the insulting message, replace it with a simple smiley face and head back to my room. Of course, someone has left a new message for me as well. _How fucking wonderful_. It simply says ‘Party Pooper!’ I don’t recognise the hand writing but it’s one of the nicer messages I have received so I decide to leave it.

Having the dorms empty gives me a chance to play my guitar. I take it from my closet, dust it off and launch into The Animal’s _House of the Rising Sun._ I hate having such little opportunity to play. Playing while people are around the dorms will attract attention and the last time I played outside around campus it ended with a football being launched in my direction. Telling myself it was a simple accident would make me a liar.

My clock tells me it’s almost ten thirty. I can’t stop thinking about all those normal people who just get off their asses and be social. _It seems so simple._

My legs to shake a little. _Shit, another one._

_Stop it Max. You are not like them. You never will be._ I swear to God, the walls are closing in on me. _Stop thinking Max._

_The bullies at my old school._

_The bullies here._

_Living life in the closet._

_Carefully planning my movements to minimise human contact._

I smash my fists on my desk with the rage of the weak. “WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE!”

The fact that I didn’t think that but screamed it brings me back to the here and now. _Fuck. I have to get it out of here. Right now_. I put on my hoodie, pack my camera and all my other shit and make for the door.

Not bothering to check for noise I head straight out and keep my eyes focused on the exit.

_Christ my heart rate is off the charts. Please let the dorm be empty._

As I pass the small hallway leading to the shower room I notice Kate coming out. She’s pale and her hair isn’t even in her signature messy bun. _She really is quite beautiful_. I hope the shower’s running water blocked out my pathetic screaming rant but her face tells me otherwise. We look at each other for a moment. _Whats on her face? Sympathy? Pity? Whatever it is, I can’t talk to anyone right now_. I keep moving for my goal.

_Would it kill you to at least try Max? Kate Marsh is your best chance at friendship._

Opening the door to the girl’s dorm, I get hit with that chilli air. Despite my dark mood, I still love being outside at this time of year.

My appreciation of the weather is shattered by the sound of footsteps heading in my direction.

“Shit” I whisper to myself. I move quickly and crouch behind one the bushes. I am out of sight and in the dark. _Story of my life._

I see two people staggering towards the dorms. They are both clearly tipsy. I recognise them as Warren Graham and Brooke Scott. Both are in my science class with Ms Grant and seem like nice people. I have seen them share the occasional kiss but never like this. The two stop walking and with very little grace, start tongue wrestling. I can see the lust in Brooke’s eyes as Warren kisses her neck. “Damn baby. You are rock hard already.”

_Gross. Brooke isn’t exaggerating_. I can see it pressing against his pants from here.

Warren grabs her ass and leers at her with that hormonal desire I hear so much about. “What can I say? You bring it out of me.”

“No way are we doing it in the boys dorm ever again bae. The wolf whistles and the sight of jock assholes are a total mood killer. We are going to my room.” Brooke seems to be making a stand. Can’t say I blame her.

_And I thought it was just athletes and cheerleaders that got laid in high school. Sexually active science geeks give me hope._

_I need to focus on staying still. I can’t let them see me._

Warren smiles at Brooke. It’s obvious where these two love birds are heading. “Fair enough babe. As long as there is no one to rat me out.”

“Relax. That new girl Max is the only one there and she never leaves her room” Brooke laughs. “I think our shadows that will pass her door will scare her. She is such a party pooper. Enough talk Mr G. Get your horse cock and the body attached to it to my room.”

_Well that’s one mystery solved. What a charming girl. I wonder if her drone is the only toy in her room._

The two start to laugh and Warren heads to the dorms but not before Brooke slaps him across the backside and follows him.

I breathe a sigh of relief. _All clear Max. Get to your car._

This anxiety is killing me. I have to get off campus.

Of course, the parking lot has to be right by the otter’s liar which is where the party is. The trashy dance music is matching my heart beat. Luckily the lights along the walkways make it harder to see me if I stay on the grass.

I see my goal. _Almost their Max._

_It was so cool that my parents got me a car for my birthday but they really didn’t have to buy something brand new_. My 2013 metallic blue Toyota corolla has become my most prized possession. I guess they thought having my own car would change who I am. _If only._

_Maybe me and my imaginary girlfriend can take a road trip to that drive in theatre in New Berg._

I notice a few heads turning in my direction. People are starting to notice me. _Shit._

To avoid the flashing lights which will bring more attention, I unlock my car door manually, climb in and fire up the engine. _Breath Max. Breath._

Thankfully I parked back end first so my getaway is quick and clean. Once I am off campus I switch my lights on and my anxiety slowly recedes.

_I made it._ The only bullies around now are the ones in my head.


	2. Mother Hen

Arcadia Bay is a different place at night. During the day it’s quiet but at night it is truly and utterly dead. Since I got to Blackwell I have only left campus to do grocery shopping. I haven’t even had to put fuel in my car since I don’t go anywhere and I filled up the tank after I drove here from Seattle.

For someone with crippling social anxiety, this peaceful town is way better than Seattle. Plus the busses here have only like a dozen people aboard at a time. _My panic attack on that city bus last year still haunts my dreams. All those people stared at me like I was a hobo on crack._

_I suppose I have to find something to kill some time._ _Best I steer clear of Blackwell until the vortex dicks call it quits and I can go back to my room without any problems._

My mind wanders to Kate. She is such a gentle soul. I was an idiot for not talking to her earlier. The dorm was empty so it was the perfect chance to talk to her and at least try something new. _Great job Max. Another opportunity to better yourself and you run away._

A neon sign catches my attention. It belongs to the Two Whales Diner. It’s a twenty-four hour joint and it can’t be too busy at this time of night. _I guess I could eat._

As I park, I only notice one other car around. An old volvo. It must belong to the person working there. A small sign near the entrance tells me they provide old fashioned service. I’m surprised that still exists. Nowadays everything is self-service or a drive through. I smirk at my stupid thoughts. _Don’t self-service and drive throughs keep me safe from people?_

I walk in and notice it’s a simple place. Plaques and photos of local fishing accomplishments can be seen from every angle. Maybe they cover up damage to the walls or something. Chairs and booths with red leather give it a fifties vibe as does the jukebox which is currently silent.

I can’t see anyone else around. Not even a waitress or a cook. So much for old fashioned service. I take a seat at the counter and quickly scan the menu.

A middle aged blonde woman comes out of what I assume is the stock room with her phone to her ear. She notices me. “Okay honey. That works. I gotta run. See you soon Chloe.” She hangs up and turns to me. I know waitresses are supposed to be friendly but her smile seems genuine and not forced to generate tips.

“Well hi there. Can I start you off with some coffee? I have both regular and decaf. Ladies choice.” _I like her Southern accent_. She has full breasts and big brown eyes. I notice she is wearing heels. _What kind of an asshole boss makes a waitress wear heels when they have to be on their feet all day? I wore heels once and nearly broke my ankle._

“We have tea as well.” She says wanting to fill the void of silence. _Shit, I am gazing at her_. I blush and try to recompose myself.

“Oh, sorry ma’am. Decaf sounds great. Thank you.” _Get it together Max. You are just here to eat and kill some time._

As she pours my coffee I notice the tan line on her ring finger. She must be divorced. Or God forbid, widowed.

“Ma’am? Well aren’t you old fashioned. I like that. But you can call me Joyce.” I think I noticed everything about this woman except her name tag. There is something about her. She has a kind and maternal way about her. She is obviously a mother. Maybe that Chloe she was on the phone with is her daughter.

“I’m M-Max.” I say with zero confidence. _Stuttering? Really Max? I thought I got passed this. Dad should have an Aston Martin but instead he put me through speech therapy for eighteen months._

_I guess I should place my order before another awkward silence takes place._ “Can I just have some toast with a side of bacon please?” Joyce gives a small nod and a big smile “Sure thing honey, won’t be long.” I can’t even maintain proper eye contact with her. Leaving me with my coffee, Joyce proceeds to get started on my order.

She probably thinks I just escaped from the nut house. I can picture her making sure the taser she has under the counter is fully charged.

Okay Max stop staring at Joyce’s ass and put the jukebox on. _Nothing beats some music to improve thinking_. I hop off my stool and walk over to see what my options are. I can’t help but smile. This thing has nothing post 1995 on it. _I can work with this_. I decide on Fleetwood Mac’s _Dreams_. I feel better already.

“You read my mind Max. Fleetwood Mac are my favourite band. Here’s your food hon.” Joyce places a plate where I was sitting. The bacon smells like heaven. I can’t help but smile at her. “Thank you so much. To be honest I was going to play Landslide but I cry every time I hear that song.” _TMI Max._ I sat back down and start with my bacon and toast.

Joyce laughs. “I thought it was just me who did that. Let me tell you a story darlin’. It was July 25th 2003\. My husband and I left our daughter with her Uncle Aaron and we drove to Portland to see them play. That was one of the best nights of my life.” _Her face, her eyes, her spirit. Everything about her is just lit up right now. I wish I could do that. Loudly reminisce about happy times. She’s so beautiful. So alive. This is what I am missing out on._

She continues her story “So Bill and I were in the front row. I mean Stevie Nicks was about as close to me as you are right now and then they start playing Landslide. Of course, I was so blown away that I started crying like a baby. It got so bad that it started to annoy some people who were in the front row with us. After the song was finished Stevie took a tissue out of her pocket and handed it to me.”

I can’t help but smile and blush like an idiot. I don’t know if it’s from her story or just the fact that I am talking to someone and having a genuine moment. “No way. That is so cool Joyce.”

“Yeah it’s one of my favourite memories. Of course, I didn’t tell you that after I dried my tears she gave me a hug. And then a little slap on my ass.” That little comment makes me chock on my toast. Once my throat is clear, I can’t stop laughing.

Something familiar about what she said suddenly pops into my head. “Hang on Joyce. You said that concert was in Portland? In July 2003?”

“Yeah that’s right. Why do you ask?” Joyce is still smiling. _How does she do that? It would take hooks in my mouth to make me smile for this long._

“My parents were at that show! My Mom still has the shirt she bought after the show. I remember she said they were in the second row but maybe you would have passed them before or after the show. What are the odds?” _I guess all those clichés about music bringing people together are all true._

Our moment together is shattered by a bell indicating that someone else has entered the diner. It’s annoying but this is a business after all. Joyce takes notice as all my body language goes back to its default setting. My head is back down and I try to make myself as little as possible. _Well you had a good run Max._

The guy who walked in has a familiar voice. I think he is on the phone. “I know man. I need this tonight. Charge me double. Cool? Okay Frank I’ll be there soon.” He is standing right behind me now. My heart is racing. “Hey can I get a chocolate chip muffin for the road? I’m just gonna hit the can.” He doesn’t wait for Joyce’s response. _Manners cost nothing, asshole._

As he walks towards the restroom I look in his direction. My face goes pale and my eyes widen. _Oh fuck. Its Nathan Prescott. What the hell is he doing here? Shouldn’t he be at the vortex party?_ I look up at Joyce and notice she is giving me a look of maternal concern. She takes a muffin from the sweets display case and wraps it up quickly. I think she wants him gone as soon as possible.

My hands start to shake again. _Oh shit. Are the vortex club following me now?_ Joyce then suddenly puts her hand over mine and gives it a gentle squeeze. She knows I am afraid. Since the jukebox has stopped the diner is once again plagued in silence. Her hand on mine makes me feel so safe. Safer than I have ever felt. My hands are still once more.

The sound of a flushing toilet forces Joyce’s hand away from mine. _He’s coming. He’s gonna see me._

* * *

 

** Author’s Note: **

**I said this was a Pricefield story. Who said anything about Chloe?**


	3. The Blonde Knight

Joyce can read a situation well. She knows I am afraid of Nathan Prescott. As he approaches the counter with a five dollar bill in hand, Joyce has the obvious intention to not slow down Nathan and get him out of the diner as fast as she can. Joyce and Nathan exchange the items. “Here’s your choc chip. Enjoy.” Joyce doesn’t sound the same. She doesn’t sound like the friendly waitress I just met. She sounds very business-like.

“Sure. Catch you la- Max Caulfield?” _I think there are bugs all over my skin. What do I do? Help me please Joyce. Anyone._ “What the hell are you doing here? Is the little bird trying to leave the nest?” Nathan speaks with the same cold and aggressive tone he uses on anyone who isn’t in the vortex club.

_Shit. Fuck. Another panic attack is coming. If this happens in front of him, I will never hear the end of it._ I give Nathan a brief look. “I’m just having something to eat.” _I’m so fucking scared right now._

_Wait, what? Joyce is leaving?_ She starts to move away. Is she going to the stockroom or something? _Oh God, I really am all alone._

_Hang on. She’s coming over to my side of the counter._ “Is there something else you need?” Joyce asks Nathan. She sounds mildly threatening. _Holy crap, Joyce is helping me!_

Nathan smirks. “Whatever I’m outta here.” _Oh thank God. He will be gone in just a few more seconds._

A hand briefly touches my shoulder. I flinch knowing who it belongs to. _Don’t touch me you fucking creep._ “Caulfield.” He speaks in a stern manner so I am forced to turn around and meet his gaze. “A bit of advice for you. Most kids who break curfew go to parties or bars or meet someone to fuck. What you’re doing is sad. I know a guy who can hook you up with black market scripts for Zoloft or any of those anti-psychotic pills people like you take.” Nathan speaks with sarcasm but I know he could actually make that happen based on what I hear about him.

My eyes drop in submission. _I remember what those fucking pills did to me. Mom still thinks I take them._

_I need some kind of come back. Something that tells him he hasn’t broken me. But I don’t like lying to myself. Please just leave Nathan so I can go cry my eyes out in the bathroom._

“ENOUGH!” A strong, feminine voice dominates the diner. My body jolts in response. “You got some fucking nerve Prescott. You come into my place of business and harass a young lady who just wanted to be left alone.” Both Nathan and I are caught off guard by Joyce’s harsh words. Nathan gathers his composure. I do not.

Joyce snatches the muffin out of Nathan’s hand and tosses it in the trash can. “Here’s your money back!” She tosses the crumpled up bill near the entrance. “I don’t want your business and I don’t wanna see you or anyone else from your fucked up family in this diner ever again!”

Nathan’s icy glare goes from Joyce to me. _I could never meet that death stare. I can feel his gaze. I think I visibly shrink._

“HEY!” Joyce shouts at Nathan and then suddenly slaps him right across the face with considerable force. I gasp in shock and instinctively cover my mouth.

_That did seriously not just happen! Who is this woman? Why is she protecting me like this?_

Nathan might have a stare that reflects death but Joyce’s is one of a Mother bear protecting her cubs from the wolves. “Don’t you fucking look at her you little bastard!” Nathan’s left cheek is a dark shade of red and a hand print can almost be made out on it. His face has feelings of fury and defeat plastered all over it.

“Now take your dirty money and get the fuck out of here! NOW!” In this moment, Joyce is scarier than Nathan.

_Damn it. Tears are starting. Keep it together Max._

As expected, Nathan doesn’t pick up the five dollar bill and makes his way to the door. He turns to Joyce and gives her a smug smile. “Whatever you say.” _That look and that smile all say one thing: ‘this isn’t over’._

Once Nathan is out the door, a giant wave of relief hits me head on. An involuntary whimper escapes from me and I run for the bathroom.

_I need to get away._

Joyce calls out for me but I ignore her. Once inside the surprisingly clean stall, I lock it and let the tears flow. _Mom said it’s part of the process._

_Oh fuck, I haven’t cried like this in months. I can’t stop it._

The sound of heels clicking against the bathroom tiles gets my attention. It must be Joyce.

_I can’t believe she actually slapped Nathan like that. No one has ever stood up for me before. She’s so understanding, so intuitive. So beautiful. Okay knock that shit off Max. She’s old enough to be your Mother._

Joyce speaks to me through the locked door in a soft tone. “Max, honey? I can’t imagine how you must be feeling but I want you to know that I saw Nathan drive off. He’s gone. Also, I closed the diner for a bit so we can talk. No one will bother us.”

_Look at what you’re doing Max. This woman is risking her job just to comfort you_. “J-Joyce thank you b-but I don’t want you to get in trouble with your boss just because I can’t s-stand up for myself.” _It’s bad enough I ruin Mom and Dad’s lives._

“This is my diner Max. I own it. You are safe here. Look, I think you should unlock the door and come out of there but I don’t want to pressure you. You cry all you need Max. I’ll fetch you some water. Be right back.” Joyce’s heels tell me she is now back out in the main area of the diner so I quickly gather some toilet paper and blow my nose in a very unlady like fashion.

_Why is Joyce taking care of me like this? What’s her angle? What does she want?_

I kick the door in frustration. _Why is it so hard to believe that someone gives a crap about you? You run away from shit like this all the time. Just accept the comfort she offers._

I hear Joyce enter the restroom once again. A hand reaches under the door which is holding a bottle of water. “Here you go. Drink up sweetie.” _Oh my God she is such a cliché waitress. She calls me sweetie or darling or honey every chance she gets. I know she probably calls nearly all her customers those names but it still brings a smile to my face._ I bend down and instead of taking the water, I take her hand and give it a squeeze. It’s so soft to touch.

“Everything will be okay. You are perfect just the way you are.”

_Those words. Those are the most beautiful and sincere words anyone has ever said to me. All doubt is purged from my mind. I believe her._

I let go of her hand, stand up and unlock the door. Once the door is open, I see Joyce is holding out her arms and I throw myself into them. She drops the bottle of water but I don’t care. She holds me like my Mother has so many times before but this is different. I can’t explain it and I don’t want to.

A dam bursts inside of me and I cry harder than I ever have in my life. But it’s not from sorrow, it’s from a feeling that is completely foreign to me. I don’t know what it is but I like it. _This feeling calls to me. On a primal level._

My parents have spent tens of thousands of dollars on all kinds of therapy and medications hoping for a miracle. All that money spent and in the end, this was all I needed. _Real therapy doesn’t cost a thing_.

No matter how fucked up people would say it is I can’t deny it. In this moment, I love Joyce.

I can hear Joyce starting to cry a little bit as well. “Oh sweet Maxine. What did those monsters do to you?” Normally I hate hearing my full name but it sounds so much better coming from her and in that accent. I keep my arms around the woman I love and cry some more.

Eventually we end our little moment and Joyce leads me out back into the diner. Thankfully no one else has shown up so my melt down will stay between us.

We talk for a little while but nothing like before. I tell her about my life (or lack there of) in Seattle and my coming to Blackwell to study photography. She then tells me about her late husband who died in a car accident five years ago and her daughter Chloe who after being expelled from Blackwell, moved to Portland to work as a tattoo artist and occasional bar tender. I can tell it has been difficult for Joyce to be a single mother. She dealt with being a widow by using her husband’s life insurance money to buy The Two Whales and fix it up new. According to her, being an owner/manager/cook/waitress keeps costs to a minimum.

I want to know if she is dating anyone but I’m too shy to ask. _Maybe I can work my way up to that. I know my love for Joyce is a lost cause._ She was married to a guy and seems as straight as they come.

The inevitable moment comes and it is time to go back to Blackwell. Joyce and I say our goodbyes which ends in another amazing hug. I like how her breasts push up against me when we embrace.

“Max wait!” Joyce calls out to me. I am just about out the door when I realise what she wants. I forgot to pay the check.

“Oh, sorry Joyce. How much do I owe for the food?” I reach for my wallet to pay but Joyce puts her hand out to stop me.

“Honey, the food is on the house. Besides your bill isn’t even ten bucks. I wanted you to have this.” She hands me a piece of paper. A quick look at it reveals a phone number. _She’s giving me her number? What does this mean?_ “If things ever get bad at school or you just need to talk, please don’t hesitate to call me.” _Damn it Joyce Price, I love you even more now._

After another hug, I make my way back to my car and drive back to school. This unusual and foreign feeling won’t get out of my head. I don’t know if it’s lust or love or both but I am starting to adapt to it.

I manage to get back to my dorm without any problems. Although the sounds I hear coming from the other dorm rooms make me a bit uneasy. _Is this a private school or a god damn brothel? The sign that forbids boys in the dorms clearly isn’t working._

I can hear grunts and moans coming from several rooms. They seem to be originating from Dana’s room, Brooke’s room and Victoria’s room. _The thought of Kate on her knees, praying for all their souls makes me smile._ I hope she’s asleep. I need to talk to Kate at some point.

Once I am in the safe confines of my room, I strip down to my underwear and decide that I am going to text Joyce before I go to bed. I want to thank her again for all she did for me but my real goal for her to have my number.

_You are setting yourself up for disappointment Max. She is not into you._

I add the number she gave me to my contacts and text her something simple.

**Max: Hi Joyce its Max. Just wanna say thank you again for helping me.**

**Joyce: No problem sweetie. It was my pleasure. That Prescott boy had it coming.**

**Max: You rule Joyce! I wish I had your courage.**

**Joyce: You do, but just don’t know it yet. I wish I had your big blue eyes.**

My heart skips a beat. “What the fuck.” The words on my phone jump out at me.

This is uncharted territory for me but is she flirting? _Fuck! What does she mean by that?_ Maybe it’s just a simple compliment. I decide to test the waters and play her game.

**Max: I wish I had your accent. Makes everything you say sound sexy.**

**Joyce: I wish I had your cute little freckles.**

I squeal in response. _Holy shit. This is flirting. Is there a chance she feels the same way about me? I shouldn’t take this too far._

_Play it cool Max. I sigh. I really wish I knew how to play it cool._

**Max: I wish I had met you sooner.**

**Joyce: Me too sweetie. Now off to bed with you.**

I giggle at her maternal ways. _I love it!_

_I love her._

**Max: Ok. I am glad I asked for decaf. Good night Joyce! XOXO**

_Shit. Maybe the X’s and O’s were a little too much._ Surely, she knows by now that I am crushing on her. Maybe I have blown it already. Once again, I am over thinking. _The curse of my fucking existence._

It’s not words that hit my phone but a picture. Joyce has sent me a selfie of her blowing a kiss. _Using photography to express emotion? Truly a woman after my own heart._

**Joyce: Sweet dreams my little angel. XOXOXO**

I feel like the Earth just slipped off its axis. _What did she just call me?_

I take a few deep breaths to pull myself together.

All my brain cells and impulses tell me to correct her and say that she is the angel, my guardian angel. It takes a few minutes to realise that in this moment, less is more. I know I will see her again. “I will have my chance” I boldly tell myself.

_A piece of my personality that I rarely use awakens and dares to hope that she likes me. Maybe she is bisexual._

I put my phone on charge and tuck myself into bed wishing Joyce was here with me. _I want her to be my first. I have never wanted anything so badly in my life._

Closing my eyes, I feel a sense of peace overwhelm me. In one night, everything has changed.

Before I succumb to sleep I feel myself smile knowing that for the first time ever, I actually want someone. “Let the games begin” I hear myself say.


	4. Reality

_I am sixteen again. I am trying not to draw attention whilst changing after gym class._

_I am surrounded again. The girls are chanting. They all said that my personality was a disease. The words that even I said to myself won’t stop._

“No vaccine for Maxine!” _Stop it now._

“No vaccine for Maxine!” _I hated them for being right._

“No vaccine for Maxine!” _A drumbeat can be heard._

Alt-J’s _Something Good_ pulls me from my dream and my eyes snap open.

A few deeps breaths and a drink from the water bottle I keep next to my bed calms me down. _Shit, I hope I wasn’t saying that out loud again. The last time that happened Mom thought I was about to kill myself._

I shake off the bad memories knowing that there is a ‘vaccine’ for all that ails me. Joyce Price. Last night feels like a dream but a quick look at my phone tells me that it was all real. “Good morning Joyce” I tell the picture on my phone. _I can’t believe she sent me a kiss._

Since arriving at Blackwell, I have spent my Saturdays in my room but I want today to be different. Today I will head off campus and find a perfect shot or two. Maybe I can grab lunch at the two whales and see if Joyce is working. I want nothing more than to text her right now but I don’t want to seem too eager.

First things first. I need a shower. I take my shower stuff and head into the hall, feeling a little more confident after last night. Victoria must be hungover or still in a sex coma because my room slate is blank. _What a refreshing change of pace. I wonder who she was with? Nathan would be my guess._

Thankfully the shower room is empty. It’s after nine so the majority of the girls either already showered or are still blacked out from the party. _More hot water for me I guess._

As I shower my mind is consumed by thoughts of my favourite waitress. _What would she be like in bed? Maybe she would go slow and guide me since I’m a virgin. She would take such amazing care of me if I was hers both in and out of the bedroom._ Of course, there is the elephant in the room: our age difference. I am eighteen and she is forty-three. I think stuff like that is looked down upon but it’s not like she’s one of my teachers. We are both adults so no one is gonna end up in jail, right?

“Joyce” I whisper. “Please let me be yours.”

I hear the shower room door open and I can recognise the voices of the two girls who just entered. Victoria and Taylor.

“I don’t what happened Tay. Nate goes to score from Frank and is totally in a party mood but when he came back he was furious with everything and did you notice his face last night?” Victoria sounds concerned for Nathan. Good to hear Joyce killed the party mood he was in. I hear two more showers start up so I know I have a chance to slip out unnoticed.

As I dry off and get changed I continue to eavesdrop. “Yeah someone clearly hit him. Maybe it was Frank.”

“No, I don’t think so. Nate said he’s meeting him again later today. Could have been his Dad. He’s a nasty old bastard” Victoria replies.

_Nice theory Victoria but maybe your asshole boyfriend or fuck buddy pissed of the wrong waitress._

Once I am back in my room I lock the door and strip out of my sleep wear. As I gaze at the naked girl in the mirror it dawns on me that even if Joyce is bi she has no reason to want me. _I have the body of a twelve-year-old. No ass, no tits and no curves. Mom recommended a push up bra but that seems like lying. Besides even if I got naked in front of someone, it would be an even bigger let down when they see me without it._

My eyes move to my wardrobe. _Time to get dressed Max._ I opt for my standard white bra and panties and put a clean pair of blue jeans on _. I think I’ll wear my purple t-shirt today._

I wonder what Joyce’s favourite colour is not that it matters. She could pull of any style or colour.

With my things packed and my hoodie pulled on I mentally go over a few spots that could make great photo ops.

_The beach could work._

_The surrounding forests._

I could also try the harbour areas. Arcadia Bay is a fishing town so capturing that old school culture of commercial fishing could be cool.

I decide however to first go to the lighthouse. I have heard people in my photography class talking about how awesome it is up there.

The first thing I see when I leave my room is Trevor leaving what appears to be Dana Ward’s room. I can’t help but smile. Dana is a beautiful cheerleader and Trevor is the skater and stoning type. _Opposites really do attract_. Dana may be in the vortex club but she actually introduced herself to me on my first day here. She really did try to make me feel welcome but I couldn’t accept it. _That’s another potential friendship ruined but I won’t let it ruin my hopeful mood._

Trevor turns to leave just as he finishes drawing a big love heart on Dana’s room slate. “You never saw me here Max.” He winks at me in a friendly manner. I giggle. _Why do I feel so different today? What did Joyce do to me last night?_

“Saw what? Since you’re not here right now I don’t even know who I’m talking to.” My voice is dripping in sarcasm.

Trevor smiles. “You’re one of the good ones Max. See you around.”

That was an unexpected and pleasant exchange of words. The smile caused by it stays with me.

* * *

Once I have parked outside the small nature track that leads to the light house, Bryan Adams stops singing about Heaven and I notice that my car is due for a wash. I also note that it’s due for a name. I would like to name her ‘Joyce’ but that seems creepy.

The nature track is a delight for the senses. I spot two blue jays on a tree branch. Maybe it’s their mating season. I snap a picture which of course scares off the birds. My camera spits out a picture that I am genuinely proud of. _I love my instant camera. I know the picture quality leaves something to be desired but it just forces me to strive for that perfect moment that can lead to the perfect shot._

I am grateful that there is a bench right by the cliffside since it gives me some comfort to take in the view. “Wowser.” I say to myself. The view is just amazing. No doubt the sun sets over the ocean so I will have to come back here sometime later at dusk for a shot of that.

I can picture myself here with Joyce. We would just sit at this old bench, hold hands and let the world go by. _Words would only ruin the moment._

Since the sun isn’t setting yet I decide to capture a shot of the town. I smile since I can just make out the sign for the two whales from here. I line up the shot making sure I get as much of the town in as possible. Maybe this is a job for something digital. _Got it. The perfect angle._

Before I can take the shot my instincts tell me that someone is behind me. I take in the briefest smell of perfume before a hand that has been recently manicured snatches my camera from me. I turn to see Victoria Chase, Courtney Wagner and Taylor Christensen all wearing smiles that make my stomach turn.

“So did little Maxie finally learn that leaving your room is the best way to take good pictures. Bra-fucking-vo.” As Victoria speaks, my heart rate spikes and all my hope for change vanishes. _Oh shit. What is she going to do with my camera?_

I notice that Courtney is holding two camera bags, one I assume is Victoria’s. Taylor has her camera in hand already.

_Oh fuck. The familiar fear makes its grand return_. “What do you want?” I can’t mask my nerves.

Victoria laughs sarcastically “I am so glad you asked that question. I want you pass along a message.” Before I can respond Victoria’s fist hits me right in my stomach. I gasp in shock and drop to the ground.

_Oh God. That hurts. Shit._

Based on the laughs, Courtney and Taylor are clearly enjoying the show. Victoria kicks me on the left side of my stomach and I can nearly feel my kidney cease to function.

My pain doubles and I can’t catch my breath.

“Tell the old bitch who runs that shit hole diner to keep her fucking hands off my man!”

_I guess Nathan told her_.

Victoria holds my camera and gives it a brief look of disgust before throwing it over the cliff.

“NO!” The word leaves my mouth in desperation but I hear it as if it was someone else screaming it.

_It’s gone._ Dad bought me that for my sixteenth birthday. I start to cry as I imagine what he would think of me for letting this happen.

“Oh boo hoo. I did you a favour Max. Might be time to go digital. Now if you will kindly return the favour and fuck off! We have some real photography to take care of here.” Victoria grabs my arm and pulls me to my feet.

“You are right about one thing though.” Victoria’s words compel me to look at her. “There is no vaccine for Maxine. You should consider putting tape over your mouth when you sleep.”

_No. Please. Please God no. Half the dorm must have heard me say that._

_Those words. Those fucking words that I thought I left in Seattle found a way back to me._

My eyes are so watery I can barely see a thing.

All I hear is myself crying and fading laughter as I run back to my car.

I lean on my car and pull my shirt up to examine my injuries. The shot to my stomach has left a red mark but mostly hurts on the inside. On the other hand, the kick to my side will leave some serious bruising.

I notice a Mercedes that wasn’t here when I parked. It must be Victoria’s. Apart of me wants to smash the windscreen but that will only make things worse.

_I can’t hang around here. They could be back soon. But where can I go?_

Blackwell is out. I can imagine #novaccine4maxine already going viral throughout the school.

The diner would be too busy.

Maybe Joyce would know what to do. I get in my car trying to ignore the pain emulating from Victoria’s kick and hope she can help me. I dial the number. It rings and rings. All hope is lost.

“Max Caulfield. I was just thinking about you. How is my favourite customer?” Joyce’s voice has already started to soothe me despite my tears. _She’s been thinking about me?_

“J-Joyce. I need your h-help. Please.” She is the only one who can help me right now. I am still worried about the girls coming back from the lighthouse. _I can’t stay here._

“Sweetie you’re crying, tell me what’s wrong and I will help you however I can.” Joyce’s trademarked maternal concern can be felt through the phone.

I tell her everything, leaving out the message I was supposed to give her from Victoria. I don’t want her to feel guilty. “It really hurts Joyce and I don’t have anywhere to go” I know I sound desperate but I don’t care.

I can hear the sound of a glass breaking and something about table two wanting their check. I shouldn’t be bothering her right now. “Javier, clean up the glass right away. This diner don’t need a law suit.” There is a brief silence over the line. “Max, darling? Look the diner is crazy busy right now but here’s what gonna happen. I’m gonna text you my address. You can go to my house and stay there until I can get out of here. I will make some calls and get more staff out here and then I will come straight to you. Okay?”

_Oh Joyce. You are a miracle. I love you so much right now_. “Joyce. Thank you so much. Are you sure about this?” I don’t want her to change her mind but I feel obliged to ask.

“I am sure sweetie. I promise I will come to you as soon as I can. I have to sort some things out okay? I will text you the address now.” Joyce sounds busy so I decide to leave it at that. Thanking her one more time I hang up and in no time at all I get a text.

**Joyce: 44 Cedar Ave. There is a spare key in a pot plant which is by the garden hose. Make yourself at home. I will be with you soon Angel.**

A few of my tears drop onto my phone. _I can’t believe people like Joyce actually exist._

**Max: Joyce. You are my hero. See you soon. XOX**

Eager to get to Joyce’s house, I look up the address on my phone and notice it’s only ten minutes away. Easier than finding an address in Seattle I suppose. The parking situation here is a lot better as well.


	5. Refugee

I turn into Cedar Avenue and easily find number forty-four. The act of driving and finding the right address has distracted me from my crying. The house seems like all the others in this neighbourhood. The lawns have been well looked after and I like the cute little garden gnomes that have been put on display.

It hurts getting in and out of my car but I don’t really have a choice. I find the spare key Joyce mentioned in her text and head inside. It feels weird going into an unfamiliar house when no one else is home. As if I am a burglar or something.

It's a very simple place but I like it. I head into the living room and take in my humble surroundings. Family photos can be seen in nearly every direction. _I like seeing Joyce when she was younger. She has aged beautifully._

One picture in particular catches my attention. It shows her playing with her daughter when she was about seven or eight with a man I assume was her husband. She looks so happy. _That smile could cure cancer._

Another framed picture nearly makes me blush. She is with the same man from the other picture on the beach in a bikini. _It would be so cool to have Joyce as a model_. The thought is appealing but brings me back to why I came here in the first place. No matter how long I stay here, there is a world of shit waiting for me back at Blackwell.

_Damn it. How long is Joyce gonna be?_ I take a drink of water from the kitchen and decide to head upstairs.

I walk through an open doorway into a spacious bedroom that clearly belongs to Joyce’s daughter, Chloe. Posters for punk rock bands, tattoo shows and roller derby cover most of the walls _. It’s nice Joyce kept her daughters room like this_. Despite the punk theme, the room is clean and immaculate. I like the contradiction. Would make a great photo op so I reach for my camera bag and stop half way.

_My camera is at the bottom of the bay_. “I’m sorry Dad. I should have been stronger.” I sigh and notice a few more photos.

One has Chloe and Joyce posing in front of a small moving truck. This must have been taken the day Chloe moved to Portland. Her blue hair and cool tattoo sleeve suit her well. _She clearly takes after her Mother although Joyce is slightly more tanned_. Another picture frame has Chloe posing in front of the same moving truck but with a pretty blonde girl about mine and Chloe’s age wearing black skinny jeans and red flannel. It must be one of Chloe’s friends. Maybe they moved to Portland together.

Choosing not to snoop on Chloe, I leave her room and go to the bathroom. Would be weird if Joyce came home now but I remove my hoodie and shirt to get a good look at my injuries in the mirror.

I have no idea how long the bruising will stick around but I can’t really do anything about it. _Talk about badges of dishonour Max._

Once my shirt is back on I hang my hoodie over the stair case railing and enter the other bedroom. I see even more family pictures and a few mail order catalogues lying on the dresser. Obviously, this is Joyce’s room. I feel a bit more at ease since this is her personal space. I sit on her queen size bed and take off my shoes. The bed feels brand new. It’s so inviting. Before I can stop myself, I lay down on top of the covers and close my eyes.

“Maxine? Angel?” a soft and kind voice is talking to me. I feel much warmer than I did before. “Hey. Wake up and let me see those eyes.” I respond to the simple request and open my eyes to see that a small blanket has been placed over me and that Joyce is leaning over me with a soft smile.

My feeling of drowsiness vanishes and I can’t stop myself from smiling. _She really is here._ “Joyce!” I sit up and hug her as hard as I can.

_I know we need to talk but right now I just enjoy her embrace and savour her scent_. “Oh Maxine. I was so worried about you. You did the right thing, calling me. Are you okay Angel?” _I love it when she calls me Maxine and the name ‘Angel’ makes me melt. I have missed her so much_. Our hug ceases and I shake my head in response.

The tears have come back as they always do.

Joyce puts her arm around me and kisses my hair. I shift on the bed and wince in pain. She notices. “Oh dear. How hard did that girl hit you? I can take a look at it if you want.”

_Joyce touching my bare stomach?_ Despite my crying, I want her to touch me. “Okay”. After I blow my nose, I lay down on my back and motion that it’s okay for Joyce to lift my shirt up.

_Don’t make this weird Max. She is just making sure you aren’t seriously injured. This is for her peace of mind._

Joyce takes the bottom of my shirt and with gentle care, lifts it just over my navel. Her fingers briefly brush against my skin. I can’t quite describe the feeling.

“Oh my God. Max I am so sorry” Joyce says with a pale face. “Stay right here. I’ll just be a minute.” Before I can respond, she leaves the bedroom.

_Do I roll my shirt back down now? What do I do?_ “Just be cool Max” I whisper to myself.

Joyce comes back holding a few items. I can’t help but smile. _She really does want to take care of me_. “First things first honey” she shows me a few pills. These are for any pain you are in. They aren’t that strong but it will help.” Joyce hands me a bottle of water which reminds me of last night and I swallow the pills.

She then shows me a small container of cream. “This is arnica cream. It will help with your bruising. You can rub in yourself, unless you want me to do it. Your stomach will only need a little but your side is a different story.”

I blush and my heart skips a beat. _She is offering to rub cream on me? Wowser_. “Do you mind doing it Joyce?” I pull my shirt up a few inches more.

_This is wrong. This is so wrong._

She gives me a little grin. “Sure thing sweetie.” Joyce gathers up some of the cream with her fingers and places is over my stomach. Her hands start to rub it in.

I take a deep breath. My whole body lights up. I close my eyes and simply embrace her touch.

_It. Feels. So. Good._

Her hands move to my sides and I flinch, but not in pain. Joyce’s hands pull away and my euphoric state is shattered. “Sorry sweetie, did that hurt?”

I shake my head “No. Sorry it’s just I’m not used to being tou- I mean I’m fine. It’s okay.” _Smooth move Caulfield._

Joyce continues to rub the cream into my side _. I love her hands on me_. “I hope you don’t mind me prying Max, but can I ask why this happened to you? You’ve been a bit vague about the details.”

My eyes open but I can’t look at Joyce. I don’t want her to feel responsible for all this but I don’t want to lie to her. _Tell her Max!_ A hand softly caresses my cheek and I meet Joyce’s soft gaze. “Angel, you can tell me anything.” _Damn it. She calls me the ‘A-word’ and I am powerless._

I take a deep breath as I want to get this out of my system. “Victoria Chase, the girl who hit me is Nathan Prescott’s girlfriend or sex buddy or something like that and he must have told her about what happened last night because Victoria gave me a message to give to you. She said to ‘keep your hands off her man’. I left out some harsh language but you get the gist of it.” I could have spoken a bit more passionately but I just wanted it out of my system. Joyce’s eyes and head drop. _Oh shit. She blames herself. I have to make this right._

Since Joyce remains silent so I put my hand over hers and we lock eyes. “Joyce, no one has ever stood up for me until last night. I didn’t tell you because I don’t want you feeling guilty. It sucks losing my camera but it was worth it. I didn’t think people like you existed but here you are.” I wrap my arms around her and she does the same. “My hero” I say with no hesitation.

I manage not to cry. _I don’t want this to be a sad moment_. Maybe I can change the subject somehow. Inspiration hits me. _I got it!_

I reach for my messenger bag beside the bed and pull out the photo I took of the two blue jays. “I managed to take this shot before I ran into Victoria at the light house. I know you aren’t a photography buff but what do you think?” I hand her the photo.

“This photo is wonderful. I love blue jays. I have had a few fly into house over the years. It’s nice until they turn my carpet into a toilet.” We both laugh and I think the mood is saved. Joyce looks at the photo again for a brief moment and frowns. “The camera you lost today was an instant camera?” _Where is she going with this?_

“Yeah. I got it for my sixteenth birthday. I’ve always been drawn to analog photography for some reason. I can buy another one off my favourite camera website.” Joyce tells me to wait for a moment and proceeds to rummage through her closet. _What is she looking for?_ As she looks for whatever it is she is looking for I take advantage of the moment and I check out her ass. _Wowser, that’s a view!_

Joyce places an old box on the bed “Max, this belonged to William. I want you to have it.”

I open the box and I can’t believe my eyes. _It’s an instant camera!_ I notice there is some spare film in the box as well. Taking the camera out, I examine it and it seems to work the same as my old one. “Wowser. Joyce this is amazing but I can’t take this if it belonged to your husband.”

“Sweetie, the photos that Bill took are what matter. He wouldn’t want his camera sitting up in my closet gathering dust. I know you don’t want me feeling bad about all this but I can’t help it. I just don’t want you to fall behind in your photography class because of me. Please Angel, take the camera and use it to follow your dreams.” She speaks so passionately and I know she means every word.

_How can I refuse this woman? Is it possible to love her even more than I do now?_

We hug and I find myself saying ‘thank you’ over and over. It takes all my self control not to kiss her.

“Max stop thanking me because I don’t want to spend my night saying ‘you’re welcome’. I know you have had a rough day but there is somewhere we need to go and since the sun will start setting soon it is the perfect chance.” Once again Joyce’s hand is over mine. I can feel something moving between us. _It’s palpable. It’s electric._

_It will be sun set soon?_ I must have been asleep for longer than I thought.

“Where are we going Joyce?” My curiosity is creating various scenarios. Maybe we are going to get dinner somewhere, _like a date?_

_Stop torturing yourself Max._

“We are going to lighthouse and you are going to get the shots you want with your new camera.” Joyce gets off the bed and I do the same. “Before we go I might take a quick a shower and change. Why don’t you wait down stairs? I won’t keep you waiting.”

_I would give anything to shower with Joyce_. The concept sends a shiver down my spine. “Sure thing” I blush. “See you in m-minute.”

_For Joyce, I will get a shot of the sun set._ But if I am going to the lighthouse again, I want some shots of my new muse. Once I put my camera in my bag along with the film, I head downstairs picturing Joyce in the shower.

_I want her._

_I have to have her._

_The lighthouse. That is my chance. I will make this work or die trying._

* * *

 

** Author’s Note: **

**In this AU, Chloe and Joyce are much closer than they are in the game. Since David Madsen doesn’t exist here and Max never left Chloe after William died (since they never met), Chloe has a lot less to be angry about.**


	6. Taking a Shot

_It feels weird being a passenger in your own car._ On the other hand, being a passenger allows me take in the beautiful sight of Joyce Price as she drives us to the light house. _She looks radiant._ A cream coloured, knee high skirt shows off her amazing legs but it’s the top half that I can’t take my eyes of. The top she is wearing is sleeveless and low cut. Her breasts are quite bigger than I thought. _I wonder if she chose purple to match my shirt. Not likely but it’s a nice thought._

_I have to do something about the huge crush I have. Or is it love? Shit, I can’t tell her that I love her! She will freak out_. _I will tell her I have feelings for her and we will see what happens. I failed to seize nearly every opportunity to better myself but this time I will not back down. My mind is made up. I would rather lose Joyce from my life than let fear win again._

“Not a cloud in the sky. Perfect conditions for taking pictures, don’t you think Max?” Joyce seems relaxed given that she is driving a car she isn’t used to driving. It doesn’t sound right when she calls me ‘Max’. She’s the only person who I’d rather call me by my full name.

My attention turns to the sky and it seems she is right. “Yeah, it’s perfect.”

We continue riding in a comfortable silence. Not even the radio is on. I should be nervous about someone I hardly know driving my baby but I’m not. “How does my car handle Joyce? I haven’t driven many cars in my life so it’s hard to know what’s good and what isn’t.”

Joyce gives me a little smile. “She handles great. One of the nicer cars I have ever driven. I am quite surprised you can drive a stick. I hear most kids nowadays drive automatics. It’s a good life skill to have.”

Memories of my dad teaching me to drive come flooding back. _I drove him crazy for a few days but eventually I made that clutch my bitch_. “Yeah my Dad was insistent about teaching me to drive the old fashioned way. Was worth it though.” I tell Joyce about learning to drive in the big city and soon enough she has parked in the same spot I was in this morning. I am relieved there are no other cars around. We should have the light house to ourselves. _Perfect._

This is your moment Max. Mr Jefferson, my photography teacher tells his students to ‘always take the shot’. _Perhaps that doesn’t just apply to photography_. I take a deep breath.

_Wait for the right moment and then, take the damn shot._

As we walk up the nature track to the light house, Joyce’s face changes. She seems worried, or is it nervous? _What’s changed?_ The steady pace we were walking at has slowed down considerably. _Something’s wrong._

“Joyce?” I say softly to get her attention. We stop walking and lock eyes. “Are you okay? You look worried about something. I hope I didn’t say or do anything to upset you.”

“No sweetie of course not. I just haven’t been up to the light house in a long time. I have a lot of memories of the place, good and bad.” Joyce seems most melancholy. “I always found reasons to avoid going up there and now I have a great one.”

_Oh shit. Was it a mistake coming here? I don’t want to upset Joyce just because I want a few pictures._ My heart skips a beat as Joyce holds a hand out to me. “Thank you for helping me Max.” _What? How am I helping her? Isn’t she the one helping me?_ I take her hand and we both smile. “Come on, almost there” Joyce says as her mood visibly shifts to hopeful.

Wowser. Joyce and I are holding hands. It feels so right. _Could this actually work? Does she feel the same way I do?_

We arrive at the light house and the view is too beautiful for words. The view was amazing this morning but adding the sunset makes it perfect. Joyce and I just stand still and gaze at our surroundings. Her hand is still in mine. I lead her to the bench and we sit in silence.

All I can hear are the sounds of the waves and the local wildlife. There is not a breath of wind. Out of instinct I rest my head on Joyce’s bare shoulder. _I feel so comforted right now. As if I am immune to sorrow somehow._

Something presses against the side of my head. _Did Joyce just kiss me?_ I blush but choose not to move. I just want a few more moments of peace before I show my hand.

“The last time I was up here was five years ago.” Joyce’s words pull me back to reality. I take my head of her shoulder and let her talk. “I was here with Chloe and most of Bill’s family. This is where we scattered his ashes.” A sob escapes from Joyce and I hug her. _God she smells so nice._

“Joyce I’m sorry. We don’t have to stay.” _She’s so stuck on her husband. This won’t work_.

“No. Coming here with you was a great idea. Besides, most of the memories I have of this place are wonderful.” I can tell Joyce is trying to save the moment which means I have to try as well. “What are the good memories you have of this place? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I want Joyce and I to be close but maybe I am pushing too hard.

“Well back in 1997, Bill and I broke into the light house just so we could get a better view. I hope they fixed the lock on the door.” Joyce and I both laugh. “This happened back when Titanic just came out so naturally we did the big cinematic pose over the railing. It was just us being silly but it was one of the most romantic experiences of my life.”

“I haven’t seen that movie in years. That night didn’t end with any inappropriate drawings, did it?” As Joyce laughs I can see she is enjoying this moment as much as I am. “Not drawings, no.” She gives me a little wink.

I blush like crazy and hold up my hands in plea for her to stop. “Okay. I so do not want to know any more than that.” _I cannot look at Joyce when I am blushing like this._

“I kid you not but another memory I have of this place is when William and I conceived Chloe. It happened in the light house.” Oh my God! Joyce bursts into hysterical laughter as my blushing goes to a level I never thought possible. I playfully swat Joyce across her arm. “Joyce! Gross! I can’t believe you said that.”

Joyce suddenly reaches into my bag and takes out the camera she gave to me. Before I can ask what she’s doing, Joyce points it at me takes a photo of me. She takes the freshly developed photograph and hands it to me. As expected my face is the colour of a fire truck. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are when you blush? Not that you aren’t beautiful all the time.”

My ability to speak has been suspended. _Did she just say that? She called me beautiful. Wowser_. “N-no. I-I. No one has.” _Get it together Max_. The way she said it. It was so honest and kind of seductive. _She feels the same way, she has to._

Joyce shifts across the bench so our legs are touching. _What is she gonna do?_ “Come on Max, photo time!” Not what I was expecting but being in a photo with Joyce Price isn’t something I can say no to.

“Maxine” I say whilst smiling at Joyce. She frowns and tilts her head to one side obviously not understanding what I mean. “Usually I hate it when people use my full name but with you it’s different. I like it when you call me Maxine.”

“Then that’s what I’ll call you. Maxine. It’s a lovely name and it suits you.” Joyce puts her arm around me and aims the camera at us. I rest my head on her shoulder again and give a genuine smile. Joyce takes the picture and after a quick look at it, we agree it’s a keeper.

“How about another Joyce?” She hands me the camera and I decide it’s time to find out the truth. _Let’s see how she reacts to this_. I put my arm around her and aim the camera. Right before I take the shot I lean up and give Joyce a kiss on her rosy cheek. _Gotcha!_ I giggle knowing that I just made Joyce blush. “I thought you might like a taste of your own medicine.”

Joyce looks at me in disbelief as if I have grown an extra head. “You little devil!” She takes the camera from me and gives me a smile that tells me exactly what is going to happen next. “One more Maxine?” I nod shyly and brace myself. Once again she aims the camera but this time has her arm around my slim waist. She plants a big, loud and wet kiss on my cheek and now we are both giggling and blushing like idiots. She didn’t even take the picture but I don’t care.

_No more excuses Max Caulfield. This is the moment. Your moment._

I take the camera and put it down on the bench. “Joyce?” I try to sound assertive but fail. _Oh Christ. My heart rate is like a drum solo right now._

She takes my hand and squeezes it gently. “Yes Angel?”

I take a deep breath. “I just want to say that I- well. Umm. Okay, okay. You know that I like you right?” Somehow, I am able to maintain eye contact with Joyce.

_This is it. Please don’t reject me. Please don’t reject me._

She starts caressing my hair, softly and slowly. “Of course I know Maxine and you must know that I feel the exact same way.”

_Holy shit! Wowser_. My eyes widen in shock. “No. I-no. I wasn’t entirely sure. This is all so new to me. I have no idea what I am doing.” I am speaking so quickly, I can’t believe it.

Joyce puts her index finger on my lips to silence me. Her gaze is intense and gentle and highly sexual all at once. “I know you are nervous and that’s okay. You’re allowed to be nervous. So let me make this easier for you. Maxine Caulfield, do you want me to kiss you?”

I should be blushing or shaking or at the very least looking away but I’m not. “Yes. Yes, I do. I have never wanted anything so badly in my life.” _For once in my life, I manage to sound confident_. I brush Joyce’s cheek and then she starts to brush mine. And then, it happens. Joyce kisses me.

The kiss is short but as soon as it’s done, I blush, smile and then we kiss again.

“Wowser” I say as I catch my breath. “So that’s what that feels like” I giggle and Joyce places her hand on my thigh.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Joyce sounds so flirty. _I love it!_ Nodding shyly in response my eyes move down to her low cut top. I take in the sight of Joyce’s cleavage and I want nothing more than to put my innocent hands all over them. “Get a good look Maxine?” Joyce’s words bring my eyes back up to meet hers and I can’t believe I was staring like that.

“Oh my God. Joyce, I’m sorry! That was rude of me.” I sound a bit desperate but she can’t be that made at me. Can she? I mean we just kissed. “I couldn’t help it. It’s just you’re so sexy and I really want you… Oh shit I did not just say that!” _I am rambling like a lunatic. Stop talking Max._

I listen to myself and take a breath. “Sweetie, I was just teasing. It’s flattering to be desired by someone so young and so damn cute. You can look all you want as long as I get to repay the compliment. Come here.” Joyce wraps me in a hug. _How does she know the right thing to do every time?_

The setting sun reflects off her skin so magnificently. Joyce is glowing. I have to immortalise this. _Screw the bay. I want a shot of the real beauty up here_. I ask Joyce to stand up and face the sun. This way the sun will light her up perfectly and I won’t need a flash. She poses with a big smile and looks so flirty. I ask her to hold the pose and I take the shot.

“How did it turn out Maxine?” I hand her the photo and her eyes widen in surprise. I hope she likes it. “Wow. Not bad. I scrub up pretty well for an old gal.”

I am no stranger to self-deprecation but Joyce has no reason to talk about herself like that. “Please don’t say that Joyce. I put myself down a lot but you shouldn’t. You are kind and pretty and sexy. Your smile makes me feel so safe.” _I know I sound obsessed but I don’t care_. “You’re everything I’ve been too afraid to let myself want.” My words force to the two of us into each other’s arms and once again we are kissing uncontrollably. Unlike the last kiss, I move my tongue from my mouth and into Joyce’s.

Next thing I know we are smiling at each other with no clue what to say next.

“Are any good at cooking Maxine?” Her question kind of throws me off. _That was odd._

I shake my head. “Not really. My Mom taught me a few basics when I was younger but nothing fancy. Why?”

“Well” Joyce tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Considering what happened today I don’t think you going back to Blackwell is a good idea. I don’t want to put any pressure on you but I think you should come back to the house with me and we can cook some dinner together. Of course, you are welcome to stay the night as well. What do you think?”

_A dinner date with Joyce Price? I am so in_. Another thought occurs to me. “It’s a date! But ahhh. Well…” Joyce looks at me with concern. “If I stay over, where will I sleep?” I blush like crazy.

“Wherever you are most comfortable Angel. Okay?” Joyce speaks in that loving, maternal way and I am totally at ease. _It’s like magic._

I nod in response. Joyce holds her hand out and I take it. “Come on sweetie. That meal isn’t gonna cook itself.”

As we walk back down to my car I realise that all the shitty memories from today have faded into insignificance. I smile knowing that if all goes well tonight, these most recent memories are just the tip of the iceberg.


	7. With Both Feet

“So like this?” I ask Joyce as I cut into the fresh chicken breast. Joyce said that a stir fry is something everyone should be able to cook so she has been showing me the best ingredients to use and how to prepare them.

Since coming back from the light house, our physical contact has been constant but subtle. It’s been hand holding, shoulder brushing and of course the occasional kiss.

During the drive back we talked about our histories regarding sex, dating and the like. My history was a very short conversation but Joyce’s was a bit more interesting. Turns out Joyce’s late husband was the only man she has ever been with. She spent her teen years dating girls but meeting William turned her whole sexual identity upside down. Apparently, over the past five years dating hasn’t once crossed her mind. I suppose we all deal with grief in our own ways. Joyce’s came in the form of motherhood and business ownership.

I wanted to ask her if she was ever involved with an older woman when she was around my age but it seemed a bit over the top.

James Blunt has been playing in the background to give off a relaxed and ‘no pressure’ kind of a vibe since we have been cooking. Despite the possibility that I could be having sex tonight, I feel calm. Joyce and I talking at the light house has taken a giant weight off my shoulders.

_I feel vulnerable, but not afraid._

“That’s it. Always make sure that the cuts aren’t too big or it may not cook all the way through.” I can tell that Joyce is in her element. She is obviously an amazing cook and learning from her is a pleasure.

I continue cutting up the chicken and once I am finished, Joyce’s smile tells me I did it right. “See, what did I tell you? Nothing to it Max. I mean Maxine.” Joyce correcting herself makes me giggle and I can’t help kissing her on the cheek.

“Thank you so much, you’re a great teacher.” Joyce has her hands on my hips and we are both grinning like a couple of dorks.

“You’re a natural born flirt Maxine Caulfield. Not that I don’t love it.” Joyce’s statement takes me by surprise _. I have been called a lot of things in my short life:_

_Shy_

_Reserved_

_Weirdo_

_Freak_

_Anti-social_

_Coward_

_So being called a ‘natural flirt’ is like a math quiz that I am not prepared for_. “You really think so?” I ask Joyce with a slight blush. As a distraction, I start to cut up the broccoli but Joyce knows what I’m doing and hugs me from behind.

“You’re not used to getting compliments or praise are you sweetie?” _Joyce’s hugs are almost as good as her kisses. How is it that this woman just gets me?_ A shake of my head is all I can muster up in response. “That’s okay, baby steps are still steps.”

After some more preparation, our meal is finally ready. The table is set and two plates are placed on top of some fancy table cloth. Joyce insisted on using it along with a single gold candle. _This is clearly a special occasion for her as well._

I am seated facing towards the living room whilst Joyce will be at the head of the table, right next to me. _Maybe it’s so we can maintain eye contact and yet not have to lean over the table to kiss._

_Stop over thinking this Max_.

“Maxine. I know this may cross a line.” Joyce says whilst she is looking through the fridge. “But would you like a glass of wine? It’s a dry white.” Joyce sets an unopened bottle on the kitchen counter along with two glasses.

Her question throws me off balance. _Alcohol? My last drink was one sip of my dad’s beer and it made me gag. But this is wine so I may actually like it. A small glass won’t do any harm._ “I may be underaged but I would like to try a small glass. Just to see if I like it.” Joyce smiles and pours a glass for herself and a half glass for me.

_It’s only a small glass. Besides it’s not like I am the first Blackwell student to partake in underaged drinking._

Joyce hands me my glass and takes a seat. Since several of the downstairs lights are switched off, the solitary burning candle lights Joyce up much like the setting sun did earlier at the lighthouse. _She is so beautiful._

“So what should we drink to?” I ask as I raise my glass. _I figure a dinner like this should start with a toast._

Joyce meets my gaze and pauses for a moment. “To fine wine, home cooked meals and beautiful young ladies with freckles.” I can’t stop the giggle that escapes from me.

“I don’t know who you are talking about since you don’t have freckles Joyce.” I add.

“Little Miss Maxine, are you sassin’ me?” Joyce asks, her southern accent is fully unleashed which I love. _I have never been able to banter with anyone before. Or is this more like flirting?_

After a series of giggles I raise my glass once again and Joyce follows. “Cheers Joyce.”

“Cheers Maxine” she adds as our glasses join and we take a sip. _Wow, it seems Joyce knows as much about wine as she does cooking._ The wine is crisp and refreshing.

Most of our dinner we spent holding hands even though she and I had to eat our delicious meals single handily.

_I have never felt this before. I have never been so drawn to someone._

_She makes me feel normal._

_She makes me want to enjoy my life._

I place my cutlery on my empty plate feeling so well nourished. I haven’t had a home cooked meal since I left Seattle. “Joyce that was the best meal I have ever had in my life.” I lean over and place a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you so much.” Joyce blushes slightly and tells me that the pleasure is all hers.

Now that our meal is finished I realise that the act of cooking and eating has been something of a prelude to the big looming question: _Are we gonna do it tonight?_ The voices in my head are having a screaming debate but I feel ready. It’s just the mechanics of sex that have my heart racing. _Surely Joyce will walk me through it._

We have cleared the table, done the dishes and now I have no more mundane tasks to keep my mind distracted. “Joyce?” I ask with none of the confidence I had earlier during our dinner table banter. She raises her brows and hums slightly. “What happens now?” I can’t maintain eye contact with her.

“I told you before Angel. You are allowed to be nervous. But in to answer your question, I would like to light a few more candles around the living area and make out with you on the couch.”

I don’t giggle. I don’t blush. I just look up at Joyce in total shock. _Where does she get the courage to say things like that?_ Her words take the spark of our sexual chemistry and turn it into a forest fire.

_I want this woman. Right now._

“So where do you keep your candles?” I ask, with a hint mischief in my voice.


	8. Lady of Steel & Silk

As I succumb to wakefulness, I immediately take notice of a few things.

I’m still naked.

It’s raining outside.

A naked Joyce Price is asleep next to me with one arm draped around me although we were spooning before.

And most pressing, I really need to pee.

It sucks moving away from Joyce’s warm embrace but I manage to slip out of her arm and get out of bed without waking her. I hope she doesn’t wake while I am in the bathroom. _I wouldn’t want her thinking I left after what we just shared_.

It’s pitch black around the room so I can’t find my t shirt. I suddenly recall that all my clothes are still in the bathroom.

I shouldn’t feel weird about walking to the bathroom naked considering all the things I have just done that involve one being nude but I can’t help feeling a little exposed.

 _Do people always sleep naked after sex?_ Deciding not to overthink, I slowly make my way to Joyce’s bathroom ensuring my feet don’t made the hardwood floors squeak.

Despite the overwhelming nature of the darkness, I manage to use the rails above the stairs to get my bearings and navigate to the bathroom, find the light switch and shut the door behind me. The light is a little difficult to adjust to since I have spent so much of this evening in nothing more than candlelight.

After everything that has happened tonight I know I need to look at myself in the mirror just to make sure it’s the same girl staring back but that can wait. _Nature is calling_.

I stand up after taking care of business but ponder whether I should flush or not _. It’s gross not to but I really don’t wanna wake her_. After washing my hands which takes a bit longer than usual since I am using the tap on low I look at the naked girl in the mirror.

 _Yep. Same old Max Caulfield_. It’s both a relief, and a disappointment.

I pay no attention to the bruises left by Victoria and instead admire a few left by Joyce, the woman who took my virginity.

_Took my virginity._

This means I am no longer a virgin. The girl in the mirror is smiling now and that smile increases dramatically at the appreciation of the little love bites on my neck, on my collarbone and all over my breasts. _I hope I left a few on Joyce as well and that she loves hers as much as I love mine._

_I am no expert but I think these marks mean that I belong to her._

My eyes drift to the girl in the mirror’s southern border. I frown at my abundance of pubic hair _. Do people like that? If Joyce and I are gonna have sex all the time, do I need to shave it?_ _Joyce’s wasn’t shaved but it was trimmed so maybe that’s all I need to do_. Normal people have friends to talk to about shit like this but I do not.

My eyes raise back up to meet the girl in the mirror’s identical set. It may be the same old Max Caulfield but she is different. She has changed.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. In that moment, I blush furiously as I start to remember everything that happened after our candlelit dinner.

_I’m glad she’s awake. But for now, I need her to be calm and quiet._

* * *

**_Earlier That Evening…_ **

I can’t control my breathing. This feeling. This sensation is so amazing. Joyce’s tongue on my neck has awoken a savage beast within me. A beast who operates solely on her primal urges and never thinks. Only acts.

_I like this beast._

_After spending my life overthinking everything I say and do, submitting to this beast is what I need to do._

Ten minutes on Joyce’s old worn out couch is all it took to awake the beast. I am no longer flooded with thoughts. _Only urges._

The first urge is to fuck Joyce. Or make love to Joyce. _Whichever one suits her._

The second is to cave in Victoria’s fucking skull for what she did to me.

Lust and hatred have my blood boiling.

“Maxine?” The simple statement of my name forces my eyes open and Joyce seems worried. I have her full attention. “Are you okay? I know this is all new to you but you are flushed and I can tell your heart rate is off the charts.”

_Why did she stop? God fucking damn it! I do not want to think right now!_

Despite my urges, I know I need to talk to her. “Joyce. I just. I just want you.” I place my small hands near her under arms and softly feel her breasts. I know I should take this slow so I decide to exercise some self-control.

I am surprised when Joyce smiles at my rather unflattering words. I was expecting her to stop my hungry hands but instead she just gazes into my eyes while I explore her body. “I know what’s happening to you Angel.” I meet her soft gaze. “I can tell you are extremely hormonal right now but I think this should be slow considering it’s your first time.”

I nod, knowing that she is right and I take my hands off her chest.

“I said we should go slow. Not stop. Put those hands back right where they were young lady.” The small I giggle I let off in response quickly escalates into mutual hysterical laughter.

This woman makes me laugh and cry and smile like no one else has before. _How does she do that?_

“Would you like to go up stairs?” I hear Joyce ask after another ten minutes of fooling around.

_This is it. My first time._

“Yes” is all I can say.

Joyce takes my hand and leads me upstairs to her room.

 _Fuck. I can’t believe my beast (or rather hormones) have left me already. I am nervous again._ Having no clue as to what I’m supposed to do next, I sit on Joyce’s bed and take off my shoes and socks.

“So how does this work Joyce? We both know I am totally clueless right now.” My words incite a little humour to this moment which serves as a distraction to my nerves.

Joyce puts her hand on my chin and tilts my head so we are eye to eye. “What happens Maxine is you stay right here and wait for me.” Joyce gives me a little wink, quickly grabs something from her closet so I can’t see it and leaves, closing the door behind her.

“Huh!?” is all I can manage. _What is her game? What the fuck is going on?_ I can hear a playful giggle from the other side of the door which tells me tonight is going to be a slow burn.

After a few deep breaths that do nothing to kill my anxiety I start to ponder my next move.

_Do I get undressed?_

_If so, do I strip down all the way or just to my bra and panties?_

_Will Joyce like what is underneath my clothing?_

_Okay Max, Joyce told you to wait. I trust Joyce so decide that’s what I should do._

I hear strange noises coming from what I think is the bathroom. I think it’s running water. _Is she preparing a bath?_

After a few more minutes of overthinking, the bedroom door opens and there stands the stunning Joyce Price in a purple silk bathrobe that is at least one size too small for her.

_Wowser. She has amazing legs._

“As you may have heard through the walls, I have run a bubble bath for us. Would you like to join me Maxine?” She sounds so seductive _. I am a mere slave to her words._

Joyce guides me to the bathroom and I am shocked to find the small room lit up beautifully with two candles and the tub filled with bubbly water that seems very inviting. “Is this what you want Angel? If any of this is too much for you, all you have to do is say so.” I love that Joyce is taking charge yet has put all power in my hands.

“If this is what you want sweetie, then all you have to do is give this a little pull.” Joyce moves her head down, referring to the silk belt that is just barely stopping her from being one hundred percent exposed to my eager eyes.

I notice that her clothes are on the floor along with her underwear. _I love Joyce for making this so easy for me. It never occurred to me that someone could be so considerate._

_Everything I want is just one little pull away._

My hands find themselves on the silk belt and they pull it loose. Joyce wriggles her shoulders slightly and the robe falls to the floor.

My jaw follows suit.

* * *

**_Back in the present…_ **

_The couch, the bath, the bed. All of it was amazing. No girl could ask for a better first time._

I shake my head. _Enough reflecting Max. Go back to bed._

Deciding not the put my t shirt back on I turn off the bathroom light and once slightly accustomed to the darkness, I open the bathroom door and step out hoping to find the railing for the stairs that will lead me back to Joyce’s room.

I feel the beast suddenly. _Something is wrong._

She is telling me that I am not alone in this dark hall.

My body bumps into something that is clearly a person and I scream in a terrifying on set of fear.

“SHIT!” An unfamiliar voice that is right in front me shouts out.

Before I can react I am pushed to the ground. The loud thud my head makes on the hardwood floor takes away all the great memories I made tonight and all I feel now is pure, undiluted terror.

I bring my arm up to my eyes in response to a light being switched on.

_Fuck it’s bright in here!_

I look up to find a tall pale girl with blue hair wearing punk clothes starring down at me with a look of shock and confusion. It’s safe to assume my face has the same expression.

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?! AND WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NAKED?!”

I ignore her questions as I realise that I have seen this girl before. In photos from this house.

 _This is Joyce’s daughter. Chloe Price_.

I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I can’t react.

* * *

 

** Author’s Note: **

**Sorry to anyone who was expecting a full blown sex scene. I don’t really enjoy reading sex scenes so the thought of writing one profoundly turned me off. I like to leave things to the imagination.**

**Awkward moment… Here we go!**


	9. Between Two Worlds

Chloe’s breathing is heavy, much like mine. Although hers is no doubt a result of fury. I feel nothing but fear.

“ANSWER MY QUESTION FREAK! AND WHAT’S WITH THE HICKEYS?!” The bluenette’s words bring my consciousness back to my complete nakedness. _Fuck! I need to run. It’s your default setting Max. RUN!_

“What is God’s name is going on out h..” Joyce’s query is cut off mid-sentence at the sight of what I assume is one her worst nightmares. “Chloe! My God. You said Monday.” I have no idea what is going through her head right now and I don’t want to know. _Probably regret or shame._ I note she is wearing a full length white cotton bathrobe, much different to what she had on earlier this evening.

I feel a light bulb switch on in my head. _The bathroom. My clothes are still in there from when Joyce undressed me for our bath._

Chloe looks at her Mother, and then back at me. She repeats the process two more times. Our silence has told her all she needs to know. “Are you fucking kidding me!” Chloe growls at Joyce who remains silent and pale and probably more afraid than me. The pissed off punk puts her eyes on me. “YOU’RE FUCKING MY MOM! WHAT ARE YOU FIFTEEN!”

_Oh God. She is gonna hurt me._

_Run Max!_

I get to my feet with the speed of an Olympic champion and sprint the five or so feet to the bathroom.

Once the door is locked, I hear the inevitable shouting and fighting.

_It’s all your fault. You did this!_

“You can go to jail for that shit Mom!”

“Chloe enough! I know this is a shock for you but you have no right to talk to her like that and she is not a minor for the record!”

“So I’m gone for five months and you start hooking up with girls my age!”

_I can’t stay here. I have to leave._

_Oh Jesus._ My heart is pounding like a jackhammer.

My shoes, socks, hoodie and camera aren’t here but I will have to figure something out later to get them back. The camera, not so much. It doesn’t belong to me. _It never did._

The shouting between Joyce and her daughter shifts to why Chloe showed up here unannounced. Turns out Chloe scored an extra day off and wanted to surprise Joyce in the morning. _I guess it didn’t go quite as planned._

My jeans, shirt and underwear are still here in Joyce’s bathroom thank God. Once dressed I notice that my phone and car keys are still in the pockets of my jeans. It’s not everything, but it’s enough to get me out of this house. _I do not belong here._

_Okay Max, the plan is simple: open this door and run out of the house as fast as you can. The longer you wait, the worse it will be._

“Mom I know you are allowed to date or whatever but holy fuck! She goes to the same school I went to!” Chloe isn’t screaming anymore but she is still acting like a cornered wild animal.

_This will only get harder Max, Run now!_

I open the bathroom door and am met with two heads turning in my direction. I can’t help but lock eyes with Joyce. Even shocked and out of her depth, she is still beautiful. My eyes move to the stairs, my target.

Unable to control my breathing, I run down the stairs as fast as I can.

“Maxine wait! Please don’t leave!” Joyce calls out but I keep running.

Chloe says something in response but I can’t quite make it out because once the front door is open, the sound of torrential rain blocks out all the chaos I created.

* * *

 

The run to my car, no matter how brief has left me drenched head to toe. _I am so cold. I need something for my feet._

I have this unsettling thought that my car won’t start, as if I am living some horror movie cliché but as always, she starts up without any trouble.

Driving in Seattle taught me never to peel out in the pouring rain. _That’s a mistake you only make once_. _Well twice in my case._ Despite my mood of total panic I manage to keep control of my car and get out of Joyce’s street.

“Fuck! Fuck! Shit!” I shout, smashing my steering wheel in the process. I’m still in a residential area so I pull over deciding that driving in this rain is a bad move.

I pull over and take out the blanket I keep under the passenger’s seat. I always keep it there in case I need to sleep in my car and tonight I may have to. _I can’t go back to Joyce’s and after what happened with Victoria earlier there is no telling what is waiting for me back at Blackwell._

My thoughts drift to Joyce. _Chloe must hate her now_. “It’s my fault. IT’S ALL MY FAULT!” The tears arrive right on schedule.

“Look at you Max. You ruined what family life Joyce had left just because you can’t find anyone your own age to fuck!” I am suddenly grateful for the rain. At least no one can hear me.

After some more screaming and crying I feel a bit more clear headed. I realise that there is only one voice I want to hear right now. _I need to call her. I know it’s late and I’m sure she has enough on her plate now but I don’t care._

I dial the number. _For the love of God, please answer._

“Max? Honey? Are you okay?” She sounds worried. Probably because I’ve never called her this late. I can hear her footsteps over the phone. _She must not want to wake Dad._

“S-sorry it’s so late Mom. I-I.” Fuck. Here come to tears again. “I just needed to hear your voice.”

“Don’t worry about that Max. Lucky for you, your Father is a heavy sleeper.” There is a brief pause. “Where are you Max? The rain sounds too heavy for you to be in your dorm.” _Leave it to Vanessa Caulfield to be so damn insightful._

“I’m in my car and don’t worry Mom. I’ll be back in my dorm soon enough. Look, some stuff has happened recently and I need to get a few things off my chest.” I don’t want to lie to her but I can’t tell her everything. _If Mom found out I slept with a woman in her age group, she would freak out and drag me back to Seattle._

“I’m listening Max, say what you need to say” Mom says with her usual calm demeanour.

_Okay. Don’t get overly emotional. Just tell her the facts, but not all the facts_. “I-I should have told you this before I left Seattle so I’m sorry this has to be done over the phone.” I take a deep breath. _Time to show your hand Max_. “Mom, I’m gay.”

An overwhelming rush of endorphins consumes me. _Oh my fucking God! That felt so good to say. It never occurred to me that truth telling is a drug._

“Max” My Mother says. She sounds oddly calm. Not the reaction I was expecting.

“Mom please. I have more to say. You should also know that I met someone recently and early tonight… she and I had sex. It was my first time.” My words come out calmly. I want to be emotional but first I just need to get the information out. _A trait I picked up from the woman I am talking to no doubt._

I can hear Mom taking a breath. The sound of the pouring rain has dissipated. All I can hear is my heart beating and my Mom’s voice. “Okay Max. This is a lot to take in but there is something I need to tell you as well.”

“O-okay. What is it?” _What the hell? I am coming out of the closet and now she turning the tables on me?_

“About two weeks before you left for Blackwell, you were at one of your regular sessions with Dr Birch and while you were there my laptop froze.”

_Where is she going with this?_

Vanessa continues “I tried everything but I ended up having to use yours to look something up real quick.”

_Oh fuck_. The picture is becoming clearer. The familiar chill starts ascending my spine.

“You already knew” I say bluntly.

“I accidently came across some of your browser history. There were articles about how to come out to your parents, the progression of gay marriage in America along with a few other websites. I think you know what I mean.”

_The porn. Oh dear sinless Jesus, she found the porn._ The sounds that come out of my mouth in response are just babble and gibberish.

_I swear I am done with porn. Never again._

“Max it’s okay. Just because I already knew, it doesn’t mean I’m not glad you told me. I kinda had my suspicions you were gay. Your Father wasn’t convinced until I told him what I found.” _This is so humiliating._

“The plus side? Your Dad had to pay me fifty bucks.” Mom starts laughing at her own words and despite the awkwardness, I can’t help but join her.

“You bet money that I was gay?! MOM!” I am trying to be angry but I’m failing miserably.

We talk for a few more minutes. Seems both my parents agreed that my being gay wouldn’t change anything. I guess that’s where the whole ‘unconditional love’ thing comes into play. That’s something I could never grasp. _Surely there is always something you can do to make someone hate you._

I’m not a fan of lying to Mom but I tell her that my girlfriend and I had a fight and that’s why I was so upset. Thankfully Mom can take a hint and doesn’t ask to many follow up questions. _She knows I will talk when I’m ready._

“Mom I gotta go. I’m so glad we talked. I feel so much better.” As I talk I realise how true my words are. _How does Mom do that?_

“Okay sweetie. Head back to your dorm and get some sleep. I love you.” Whenever Mom says that I always tear up a little bit.

“I love you too. Give Dad a hug for me.”

“Will do” Mom says and I hang up.

My car’s heater has fully kicked in so I start to feel a little warmer now. I put my blanket over my legs since my feet are nearly frozen from the cold rain.

I look around the neighbourhood and realise this is as a good as any to sleep in my car.

Before I can close my eyes, my phone rings. _It’s probably Mom again. Maybe she wants to guilt trip me into coming home for Thanksgiving._ I look at my phone and the name that comes up on the caller ID rubs salt into my wounds.

It’s Joyce. _Maybe she wants to remind me that I ruined her family life. Or maybe she’s worried about me. Let’s find out_. “Joyce?” I ask, with a note of sorrow.

“Oh Maxine. I was so worried about you. Are you okay? Where are you?” Joyce sounds like she is about to cry. _At least she isn’t mad._

“I’m in my car. I didn’t wanna drive in this rain.” I stop and take a few breaths. “Joyce, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt your relationship with your daughter.”

“None of that is on you sweetheart. The two of you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s no one’s fault.” Joyce sounds a bit stern. _She is making an effort to comfort me_. “I know it’s still pouring but I want you to drive back here. Can you do that Angel?”

_What? Go back to Joyce’s house? Is she crazy?_

“Joyce, I can’t face Chloe. I can’t come back.”

“It’s okay Maxine. Chloe left. She went back to Portland.”

_Oh God. Chloe hates her Mother now. I ruined everything._

“Does she? Does she h-hate you?” _I know it’s a shitty question to ask but I have to know how much damage I caused._

“I was afraid she would. I won’t lie, I was terrified that Chloe would never want to see me again but I think things will be okay between us. Before she left, she said that she needs time and space to process what happened. Things may be a bit rocky right now but we will weather the storm. She said she doesn’t hate me but she needs time. I told her I understand and she left.” Joyce’s words take a little pressure off but I know the overall guilt isn’t going anywhere. “Oh and Chloe told me to tell you that she’s sorry that she pushed you and called you a freak.”

“I was so scared” I say trying to hold back my tears. “I thought I would never get to see you again.”

“It will take more than an awkward moment to keep us apart. Come back to me Maxine. I miss you. My bed is empty without you in it.”

Joyce and I need to talk but not over the phone. I sit up in my seat and put my blanket back under the seat. “Okay I’m coming Joyce. See you in a few minutes baby.” I hang up and make my way back to Joyce’s place.

_Baby? What was that? I was just trying it out. I’ll find a better pet name_.

I focus my attention back on the road. It’s a short drive but in this rain, any number of things can go wrong.

Once outside Joyce’s home, I park in the same spot I was in before and before I can even turn off the engine Joyce comes running out of her house towards me. I jump out of my car and ignoring the heavy rain, throw myself into the arms of my lover.

My feelings of guilt, fear and sorrow are suddenly replaced by a surge of something I can only call hope.

* * *

 

** Author’s Note: **

**I don’t know if this is exactly the most realistic reaction Chloe could have to the discovery of Joycefield (yes I am calling it that) but it’s what I am going with. Chloe isn’t like she is in the game since David Madsen doesn’t exist in this AU. Joyce and Chloe have a much better relationship as a result.**


	10. Calm

It’s been an amazing morning. After a much needed sleep in, morning sex and a shower that lasted just over an hour, the time has come. As much as I want to stay, I have to head back to Blackwell and Joyce needs to get to the diner. _I’m surprised that Joyce took the morning off. Isn’t Sunday morning the busiest time for a diner?_

“Maxine. You didn’t have to do that.” Joyce startles me a little and I notice she is wearing her work outfit. She looks ready to seize the day which is no surprise after two and a half cups of coffee. I should have heard her coming down the stairs but I guess I was preoccupied doing the dishes. _Joyce cooked an amazing breakfast for the two of us so it’s logical that I tidy up right?_

“Well you cooked so I should do the dishes. My way of thanking you for breakfast. It was delicious.” I put the last coffee mug away and give Joyce a little kiss. She puts her hands on my backside. _I love it when she squeezes my butt even though there isn’t much to grasp onto._

“It was tasty wasn’t it?” Joyce gazes down at me, assessing me with those devil eyes. “The food was pretty good to.” _I can’t believe she just said that, no matter how true it is._ We both enjoy a good laugh regardless of how much I am blushing.

We both step out into the light of day. The sky possesses no evidence of last night’s rain. A few clouds linger in the distance but otherwise the day is perfect. Joyce locks the door and takes my hand. We walk to my car and I place my messenger bag on the passenger seat with care knowing that my ‘new/old’ camera is inside. _Joyce was so damn insistent that I still have it._ “So… When will I see you again Joyce?”

“Soon Angel. I promise.” She places a hand on my cheek. “Don’t worry too much about going back to Blackwell. I believe in you and I know you can handle what ever comes next.” She’s speaks with an overwhelming passion. _I love you Joyce. I’m not ready to say it and you aren’t ready to hear it but I fucking love and worship you._

“Thank you, Joyce. I needed to hear that. And thank you for everything. You really are my hero.” She leans down and gives me a big kiss. One that can hold me over until I see her again. I blush slightly since we are out in public. _Shit, I wouldn’t want Joyce’s neighbours gossiping about this._

“Get in your car Maxine and get out of here before I lose control and take you back to bed. I have to go back to being a responsible business owner.” Joyce’s words make me giggle. _It’s cute when she gets all bossy._

I give Joyce one last kiss on cheek and get in my car.

* * *

 

Once my phone is synced with Bluetooth it picks a song at random and the sound of one of my Dad’s guilty pleasure songs fills the car. I’m not the biggest Cheap Trick fan but _The Flame_ is a classic.

There is no denying that as of right now, I am terrified. After what happened with Victoria yesterday there is no telling what I am about the walk into. Various nightmare scenarios run through my mind.

_Victoria broke into my room and found my diary._

_The words ‘No vaccine for Maxine’ are commonplace with every Blackwell student._

_Victoria, Courtney and Taylor are lying in wait. Desperate to hurt me again._

_Chloe found out what room I live in and spray painted a threat on my wall._

Whatever the situation, I can always go back to Joyce’s if things get bad. I enjoy the temporary reprieve from all the shit that can go wrong today as I hum gently to whatever my phone decides to play.

I park in the same spot I was in yesterday and Friday. _Blackwell doesn’t have assigned parking but people with cars seem to pick a spot and stick to it._

It’s Sunday so the campus is quiet. Outside the main building I see Warren and Brooke tinkering with a drone. _Nerds will be nerds._ Despite their drunken shenanigans on Friday night, it’s nice to see two people so happy. I also notice a familiar face sitting under a tree. Daniel De Costa doesn’t notice me since he seems engulfed in his task of sketching the happy couple before him.

Outside the girl’s dormitory I notice nothing out of the ordinary. A few students are sitting on the benches chatting away and a tall Hispanic security guard is doing his rounds. Since I arrived back here, no one has been giving me weird looks or anything of the sort. _Maybe everything is okay._ A small smile tugs at my lips.

The girl’s dorm is deserted. I can hear soft music coming from Dana’s room but otherwise, all is quiet. I take a look at Victoria’s room slate and roll my eyes. ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world’ is written in black. _If she really believed that, this world will soon become one giant concentration camp and all who defy her or don’t follow her trends would get sent to the ‘shower room’._  

I can’t help but notice that her room slate is the only one with both red and black markers. _Talk about entitled._ All the other slates just have one or the other.

A rush of inspiration hits me. Before I can stop myself, I erase her generic bullshit message and start drawing something a little more suitable for someone like Victoria Chase.

I find myself nodding and smiling slightly at my handiwork. I drew a comical tampon with an angry face and added a few dashes of red on the top end making it distinctive as to what the red represents. Below my little drawing I used both coloured markers to write ‘STUCK UP CUNT’, an homage to a little joke I read in the comments on reddit a few weeks ago. _I know it’s a little crude and impulsive to do this but I couldn’t care less._

Once I am in my room I don’t feel the usual rush of safety and relief that I have become accustomed to.

_Maybe my new safe place is wherever Joyce is._

Since I don’t have any homework to worry about I decide to take on the herculean task of updating my journal. Once seated at my desk, I read the entry I made on Friday night before I met Joyce and can’t believe how much my world has changed in such a short time. _It will be nice to write something in there that isn’t self pity._

* * *

 

After the better part of two hours, I finally close my journal and place it back in my desk. It normally doesn’t take that long but given recent events, I felt like I had to detail everything.

I feel my senses suddenly sharpen in response to shouting emulating from outside my door. I get to my feet and can now hear two voices. One shouting whilst the other is speaking in a regular tone.

I open my door partially to see Victoria with a firm grip on Kate’s cardigan. “You think you’re a bad ass huh?!” Victoria pulls her helpless victim towards her room slate and shows her what is written on it. _Oh shit. Why the hell would Victoria think Kate wrote that? Kate would never hurt a soul. Not even in writing._ Victoria slaps Kate across the face with a similar force as Joyce did when she hit Nathan. “You wrote this! You erase it Jesus freak!” Victoria proceeds to grab Kate by the throat and starts using the right side of her face to erase the message I left. _This is my fault._ All I can hear now are Kate’s pleas that she didn’t write it and for Victoria to stop.

She awakens _._

I feel the beast stirring inside me. Her desires to be fucked by my Goddess have been placed in hold and are replaced by the calling, no the mission to hurt Victoria Chase.

My blood boils with an uncontrollable hatred. The pain from Victoria’s beating yesterday unexpectedly returns, as if to fuel and feed the beast. _No one hurts Kate. No one hurts me. Not anymore. Those days are done._

Knowing that the element of surprise is all I have, I silently open my door. I am still unnoticed by neither Kate or Victoria.

Kate’s face along with her pale complexion has been ruined by all the traces of black and red marker. It’s smeared all over her face.

I stare at my target as she tightens her grip on the throat of Blackwell’s most gentle student who only begs for mercy between sobs.

_Okay Victoria. Time to mess up that pretty face._


	11. Beta Rising

“Chase.” The single word comes out of my mouth in a voice I don’t recognise. Victoria’s torment or rather torture of Kate Marsh ceases and her head turns to the sound of my voice.

_One chance Max. This is your moment to break the cycle of bullying that has plagued you your entire life._

Before she can register who she is looking at my right fist makes an introduction to her nasal bone, right between the eyes. _Fuck that hurts! Movies never mention punching someone in face really hurts your hand._

The simultaneous sounds of a breaking bone and a high pitch squeal tell me I have the advantage. My punch has thrown Victoria to the ground, blood pouring from her nose. Thankfully Kate is still on her feet despite stumbling in shock of the spectacle that is about to be taken to the next level. She gasps loudly and covers her mouth after moving out of harm’s way.

My victim is holding her nose in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding. I know this should be a natural stopping point but the beast within has other plans. _Hurt her Max! Like she hurt you!_

“You like to hurt people huh?!” I shout, all my fury unleashed. I deliver a kick to her ribs and she gasps for air. _Keep going!_ “Like Kate? Like me? Like anyone who isn’t in your precious Vortex Club!?”

Victoria’s eyes are closed _. Fuck that! I want her to see me._ “Hey! Open your eyes and look at me you entitled cunt!” I bend down and put a swift punch to her stomach which forces her eyes open. A brief look at her blood spattered face shows an emotion that has been my bread and butter for eighteen years. Fear.

_She is afraid. Afraid of me. Time to validate that fear._

I punch her left cheek, ignoring the throbbing pain from my hand and grab her cashmere sweater. “If you ever hurt Kate or me or anyone ever again I will not stop next time!” I stand up straight and kick her in the ribs again. Victoria lets out a groan that makes me smile. _I am loving this!_ Tears are now starting along with a few sobs and I know I have made my point.

“I’ll beat you to death Chase” I say menacingly.

Bending back down, I raise my fist in her direction. She flinches. “Do you understand? TELL ME YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND!”

“Y-yes.” I hear Victoria say in between grunts and groans and shallow breaths.

My eyes shift from Victoria to my immediate surroundings and I realise that I have been blissfully unaware of the fact that I have an audience. Despite the various people, they all have the same blank and vacant stares. They are all in total disbelief. As if looking at an alien or some kind of monster.

Brooke and Warren. Both with dreadful sex hair. _Go you kinky nerds._

Stella.

Kate. She still hasn’t moved an inch

Juliet.

Alyssa.

Dana and a half naked Trevor. _Christ, those two can’t keep their hands off each other. An affliction I can now relate to._

I look at my audience in a new light. I have spent my whole life believing that everyone is better than me. _Perhaps everyone is just as afraid as me. Or maybe I’ve been like them my whole life but just didn’t know it._

“Hope you enjoyed the show!” I shout to the dorm’s occupants with a palpable tone of judgement. “And people call ME the freak around here!”

I take notice of a few heads looking down as if ashamed. _Good._

As soon as the door to my room is closed and locked, I start to hear muffled voices from the hallway. I ignore them and take a huge mouthful of water along with some aspirin.

Unable to get my heart rate to go down, I lie on my bed and shut my eyes. I am not the least bit tired but I need some kind of peace before the fallout of my actions come crashing down. _Expulsion is what I need to prepare for. Either that or a group of pissed off teens kicking my door down and beating me half to death._

I start using a few breathing techniques for anxiety attacks I have picked up over the years. _I never thought it would work for rage as well._ My heart rate is decreasing but suddenly spikes when a terrible thought hits home. _If I get expelled, my parents will bring me back to Seattle and I will never see Joyce again._

_No! No no no! Joyce and I just got things started. I can’t lose her. I can’t be alone again._

I am startled slightly by a gentle knock on my door. _Are they here to kill me already? Those Vortex freaks don’t waste any time, do they?_

“Max?” A soft voice asks after knocking again. I recognise the voice as Kate. I’m not mentally fit to talk to anyone right now but Kate isn’t someone I should ignore after what just happened. “It’s Kate. Please let me in Max.”

I slowly get on my feet and open the door to find Kate alone and with a look of deep concern plastered on her face. It may seem rude but I poke my head out into the hallway and look in both directions. No one else is around, not even Victoria although I can see a few drops of blood on the carpet. _Is she in her room or at the nurse’s office?_

“Courtney showed up about five minutes ago. She got Victoria on her feet and took her to see the nurse.” Kate’s answer to my unspoken question offers a little relief. _At least I have some sort of reprieve before the shit hits the fan._ “I got you this.” Kate holds out a medium sized ice pack for me to take. “For your hand.” It’s strange that Kate is smiling after what just happened to her but it puts me at ease.

_This weekend has offered me chances to have a woman in my life, lose my virginity and beat the shit out of a bully. Now I have a chance to make a friend. This should be a cake walk compared to other stuff I have done this weekend._

“Thank you Kate. You read my mind. Do you wanna come in?” Kate nods in answer and she takes a step into my personal space. My door is closed and locked once again but I don’t feel any more at ease. This is the first time anyone has ever been in my room. For the past month, this room as always represented safety and solitude and now I can’t let my guard down. _Was asking her in a mistake?_

Deciding to see where this goes, I sit on my bed and use the ice pack. The sudden change in temperature no matter or anticipated makes me shiver a little. Especially since it’s Autumn now.

Kate sits next to me. _No matter how much my hand or Victoria’s nose hurts, Kate is the victim here._ Looks like some of the black marker smudge on her face has been washed off already.

“Kate, are you okay? It’s my fault Victoria did that to you. I’m so sorry and I…” My apology is cut off by Kate throwing her arms around me. _Shit._ I flinch a little in response but I manage to return the gesture and put one of my arms around her. _Even after everything that’s happened this weekend, I’m still Max Caulfield._

Kate takes her arms off me and smiles slightly. “Max, I’m not a violent person, everyone knows that but what you did for me was amazing.” She suddenly giggles. “I saw what you wrote on Victoria’s slate. A little crude but pretty funny.” _Who is this person and what did she do with Kate Marsh?_

“I-it was kinda funny but n-not worth you being b-bullied over.” My stuttering has returned with a vengeance. _So much for making a friend. How can I go from beating up a bully to being a stuttering mess in such a short time frame?_ Kate looks at me with a strange yet knowing expression. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She is making me nervous. _What is her problem?_

“I know we don’t know each other well but it’s no secret you have trouble being social. That’s okay. I’m not gonna judge especially since one of my younger sisters has the same affliction.” I do my best to keep eye contact but fail and end up picking at an imaginary spot on my bed.

_This is torture. I just want to be back with Joyce._

“Sorry to hear about your sister” is all I can really say.

“Max, there is something I wanna try. Stay here. I’ll be back in a second.” Before I can respond, Kate gets up and walks out of my room. Despite my bleak mood I am curious as to what Kate’s plan is. Maybe she wants to give me some new drug that will cure me in the blink of an eye. I scoff at my thought. _No thanks. All those pills do is fuck you up even more._

She returns about a minute later and when I look up at her, my heart melts.

“I thought you two should meet” Kate says with the biggest smile I have ever seen. She is holding an adorable little white bunny with black ears. “Here you can hold her.” Kate holds out the little cutie and I cradle her like a new born baby.

“Oh my God you are the cutest little bunny rabbit ever!” My voice is all squeaky and I know I sound like a total idiot but I don’t care. I kiss the top of her head. _I am so stealing you when I get the chance._

Kate sits next to me again. “Max this is Alice. My pet, my love, my everything.” We both laugh at Kate’s introduction. “Alice” Kate says while rubbing her under the chin. “This is my friend Max. I want you on your best behaviour while you are with her.”

I pet and kiss Alice some more. Her fur is so soft. “Hi Alice.” My attention turns back to Kate. “Cutest pet ever. Oh my God I love her so much Kate. Can I please keep her forever?”

Kate giggles and informs me that is out of the question but I am welcome to visit her whenever I want. We spend the next few minutes talking about Alice and what she likes and doesn’t like.

_Hang on. Did Kate say I was her friend a minute or so ago?_

“See what I did there?” Kate’s question confuses me and I give her a quizzical look. “Have you noticed that you aren’t stuttering anymore and that the only time you break eye contact with me is when you look at Alice? Also you aren’t hunched over like you were before.”

_Holy shit. She’s right. Wow. This girl is magic. Kate The Great._

“How did you do that Kate?”

“I didn’t. It was all her.” She nods in the direction of Alice who is now pressed against my shoulder. “My sister, Lynn. Earlier this year her condition got so bad that she couldn’t even talk to me. She almost became a total stranger to her own family. Right before I came to Blackwell my Dad and I decided to get two bunnies. Alice came with me and the other stayed at home who we named Dodo”.

Kate stops briefly and pets Alice. “Whenever Lynn petted Alice or Dodo, she would always get all mushy, kind of like you are right now. The result was that Lynn would let her guard down, and could talk to people without even realising it. She still has trouble talking every now and then but she wouldn’t have come so far if it wasn’t for Alice and Dodo. The way you looked earlier reminded me of Lynn so I thought I would take a shot.”

_I can’t believe something as simple as a pet can have such an influence on someone. Well given the last few minutes, her theory is legitimate._ “That is so cool. This adorable ball of fluff is better than any pill or therapist. Okay Alice, back to your Mommy now.” I give her a kiss and hand her back to Kate.

Kate said I was her friend earlier. This is my chance to make things right. _Meet her halfway Max._

“Kate, I know when I first got here I didn’t make an effort to talk to anyone. It’s always been my default setting but after all the crazy stuff that has happened this weekend I think I have a second chance to make things right.” My words make Kate smile but suddenly she frowns as if something doesn’t add up.

“What do you mean crazy stuff? What has been happening with you this weekend?” Kate’s question makes my eyes widen and blush slightly. _Shit, is telling someone about Joyce a good idea? Kate doesn’t even know I’m gay and her religious views might make our impending friendship dead in the water._

Before I can respond someone knocks on my door three times with firm intent. Kate and I are both startled and we lock eyes knowing this could be bad. Really bad.

We both get to our feet, Kate stands by my window and is holding Alice as if her life depends on it. _Maybe it does._

The person or people knock once again and I know I have to at least find out who it is. “Who is it?” I say to my door, talking louder than normal.

“Campus security, open the door please.” The voice on the other side speaks with masculine authority. _At least it isn’t the Vortex Club._

I open the door to find the same tall Hispanic security guard I saw earlier today with a stern look on his face. “Maxine Caulfield?” He asks. I nod in response. _It’s Max you asshole. Only Joyce calls me Maxine._ “Principal Wells would like a word. I am to take you to him right away.” _It seems Queen Cunt has played the victim card._

“Okay. Just let me put my shoes on.” The guard nods and takes a step back to give me some space. _Time to get expelled Max. I had only just started turning things around and now it’s FUCKED!_

Kate is at my side once again. I think she is scared for me. “Max just let me put Alice back in her cage and I will come with you.” _Bless you Saint Kate._

The security guard puts his hand to stop Kate and tells her that Wells only wants to see me. “I was a part of what happened earlier. I’m going with her.” Kate actually manages to sound firm. _That’s a first._ The guard rolls his eyes but agrees to let her come as well. _At least I’m not alone._

Once I am ready, the guard leads me out into the hallway and we are met by Kate who has just finished locking her door. “Ready to go Max?” she asks but before I can respond she links her arm with mine. “We got this. I won’t let you get expelled.” I blush at her undisguised gesture of friendship.

On our way out, Kate bumps into me lightly and I wince at the mild pain due to my bruises. Inspiration hits me like a jackhammer.

_The bruises, the lighthouse incident. My ace in the hole._

I smile knowing I have a chance to win this. Or at least take Victoria down with me.


	12. Epilogue

_Thursday October 17 th 2013_

_Most of the time when I write in you, I am dressed and feeling all gloomy in my dorm. Not today! As I write this, I am naked and in Joyce’s bed. She said she had to make some calls about the diner or something so it gives me some time get my thoughts on paper._

_Today marks day four of my ‘unofficial’ suspension. I love Kate for how she had my back in the principal’s office. Victoria had a legit argument for getting me expelled but the redness of Kate’s cheek from when she got slapped along with my bruises were more than enough to give us the advantage. Long story short, I told Wells what happened at the lighthouse and Victoria has been suspended for two weeks! EPIC WIN! Taylor and Courtney both got a three day suspension for their involvement as well._

_Despite our combined testimonies, Wells couldn’t turn a blind eye to what I did to Victoria. Given that I have never been in trouble at Blackwell (or any other school) and that I was assaulted first, Wells showed me mercy. He suspended me for a week but didn’t put it on my record. In addition, I have mandatory sessions with the school councillor for the next six weeks. Apparently, I have anger control issues now. My first session is tomorrow._

_My parents were in total shock and disbelief when they found out about Victoria. However they changed their minds after I told them what happened at the light house. Dad said he’s never been so proud of me in his life. We also agree that I don’t have anger issues. “You’re a Caulfield” he said. “And Caulfields need to let the Irish out every once in a while.” BEST DAD EVER!! I love that crazy bearded SOB. I need to say stuff like that more often to both my parents._

_I still find myself looking over my shoulder when I’m in public. Retaliation from Victoria is inevitable but I don’t think it will be physical. Neither she or Taylor or Courtney have spoken to me since it happened but I know I can take whatever they have planned. As long as they don’t find my kryptonite. AKA Joyce Price._

_Kate and I have been hanging out so much this week. We have gone from strangers, to friends, to best friends so damn fast. She’s even been copying all her notes from class for me to have so I don’t fall too far behind whilst I’m suspended. SAINT KATE RULES! Yesterday she even let me crash one of her famous ‘tea sessions’ and I got to spend some time with two other girls from my dorm, Stella Hill and Alyssa Anderson. I was nervous as hell but Alyssa hugged me and called me Bat Max as soon as I arrived. Alyssa hates Victoria as much as I do so it seems I’m her hero now. The name ‘Super Max’ is well known around school now but Alyssa’s right. Bat Max is a better name. Mostly because my arch nemesis is a sadistic narcissist who wears way too much make up._

_NOTE TO SELF: USE THAT LINE WHEN YOU SEE ALYSSA NEXT._

_Alyssa and I will definitely be friends since we both love Batman so much. It’s awesome to hang out with another nerd. She even said she has pre ordered the next Batman game which comes out next week! Alyssa has a big HD TV as well so it’s gonna be SWEET._

_The highlight of my first tea session though was when the subject of gay rights came up. I was sure that Kate might be against it because of her religion but thank Dog I was wrong. “Love is love” she said and we all agreed. It was time to voice my opinion on the subject and after ten seconds of silence and the biggest blush of my life, I broke down and told the girls I was gay. Kate hugged me and Stella gave Alyssa ten bucks._

_CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY BET ON THAT AS WELL AS MY PARENTS! HOW MANY PEOPLE KNEW I WAS GAY!?!_

_We all had a laugh and luckily they didn’t ask if I have a girlfriend. I’m sure they will next tea session. I am so not ready to tell anyone about Joyce._

_I never thought being suspended would come with perks but boy I was SO wrong. On Sunday after I left principal Well’s office I called Joyce and told her everything that happened. Her reaction was priceless (no pun intended). She laughed, then cried, then offered me ten free meals at the diner and then insisted that I come over for a night. That one night turned into three nights. The two of us have been taking full advantage of my suspension._

_I owe old man Wells a thank you note!_

_We spend most of our time either cuddled up in bed or cuddled up on her couch watching movies and listening to music. I love our bubble. Joyce has also been teaching me the art of oral sex._

_I AM SO BLUSHING AS I WRITE THIS BIT!_

_The first time going down on Joyce was scary and exhilarating and nerve racking. She never made fun of my inexperience and taught me with patience and compassion. After a few lessons and some internet articles (with videos) I have become a lot more confident and it is paying off. Yesterday morning I made Joyce come TWO times in a row!_

_The student has become the master!_

_Of course, no matter how much I love how things are with Joyce right now, reality always hits home. We haven’t talked about it but she and I both know that this won’t last forever. We will not live happily ever after. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy when I’m with her and it doesn’t mean I don’t love Joyce._

_I love Joyce Price but despite what I thought, I am not IN love with her._

_I am in Arcadia Bay because of school, no other reason. When I graduate Blackwell next year I will be… not in Arcadia Bay (you need a plan for that Max)._

_Joyce on the other hand has a home here along with a business that she is in charge of and a mortgage to pay. Our age gap doesn’t help either. Nor does Chloe._

_STOP OVER THINKING MAX._

_The point is that I wasn’t the same person I was last week and I have Joyce to thank for that. My life has changed for the better and it all started with her._

_Now I don’t feel as afraid._

_Now I have a lover._

_Now I have friends._

_Now I have the strength to stand up for myself._

_Now I have a reason to enjoy life._

_And for now, that is all I need._

* * *

 

I close my journal, content with what I have written. The sound of someone clearing their throat brings me back to the here and now. Joyce is standing by her bedroom door admiring me with a look I have become accustomed to. _Sex time!_

“If you are quite finished writing about how amazing I am _,_ I think it’s time to even things out. By my estimate Maxine, I owe you four orgasms.” As Joyce speaks, she slowly and gracefully walks to the bed. _She’s been keeping count? That’s why I love this woman._

She tilts my head up so we are eye to eye. “Ready to play Princess?” She holds out a few cable ties. _What is she gonna do with those?_

“Always Queeny” I say not feeling the least bit shy about our newly established pet names.

_What Joyce and I have. Is it right? Is it wrong?_

_I’m done asking those questions. I don’t have the answers._

_Does anyone?_

** The End **

She used her body just like a bandage, She used my body just like a wound. **– Meat Loaf**

 

 


End file.
